Givin' Thanks (2day)

Today, I am thankful for second chances.

Giving Thanx

A couple of weeks ago, an anomaly showed up on a check of my social security number. So I requested a credit report, which I pored over last night, making sure that everything was in order - and it was. While looking at it, however, it was easy to see when my being laid off for nearly two years finally caught up to me. Seeing those numbers in black and white were something of a slap in the face, and a reminder of how close I was to losing my house.

Now that Sheryl has been living in that house with me, it definitely has the feeling of a home. And although we are so ready to find a home together, I am incredibly thankful that I still have a roof over my head.

Giving Thanks - More!

Okay, today I am thankful for my sense of humor. It has helped me get through some very difficult times. My sense of humor also makes my wife laugh and smile, and that means so much to me.

Giving Thanks Again...

Today, I give thanks for my former bosses and mentors.

Melissa and Mark recognized my abilities, and gave me a chance to prove myself, which in turn, gave me a shot at my current job. I am extremely grateful for that.

Duane, George, Murf, and even my Dad were amazing mentors. They saw my potential, and worked with me to help me become the man I am, and helped me obtain the knowledge that helps me be successful in my endeavors.

Giving Thanks, part two

Today I give thanks for my heart. It works hard to allow me to ride, live and breathe, which in turn allows me to enjoy my life.

Giving Thanks

Yesterday, my mom and I were talking about this thing she is doing on Facebook, where she gives thanks for something different each day until Thanksgiving. I thought this was an interesting concept, and thought I would give it a try - although the likelihood of me posting every day is ummm, not very likely. :)

It's been a blah-type evening here at home, and now that my eyes feel like pissholes in the snow, I am waiting for beautiful, wunnerful sleep.

Each night, when I go to bed, I say my thanks for three major things: the opportunities given to me and Sheryl throughout the day that has passed, the time I was able to spend with Sheryl, and for our friends and families.

This evening, as part of this little experiment, I want to give thanks for Dr. Carbajo, my general practitioner who really seems to care about me and my health. Through my interactions with him, I can hope to spend more time on this earth, in hopes of achieving something truly great.

Dream big, my friends...

Along Timmy Go (Perhaps)

Seven years ago - almost to the date - I celebrated my cancer survival in two ways.

First, I splurged and bought myself a ticket to see Peter Gabriel at the Palace of Auburn Hills.

Second, I "escaped" on a trip down South.

These two events were turning points in my life. At the concert, I stood all by my lonesome. In my lone seat. All by myself. And all of a sudden, three guys popped up in the seats next to me. I looked over, and surprised as all hell, I realized that the guy next to me was a great friend - Dave Hurst. Dave and I inspired each other (he still inspires me!), and it was an amazing coincidence that we would end up side-by-side at a Peter Gabriel concert.

Every moment of that concert was a celebration of survivalism. A feeling that is stirred up each time - like now - when I watch the DVD of Gabriel's "Growing Up Live". It's so good to be alive.

About a week later, I split town. I went to North Carolina to spend time with my Uncle Jack, then further South to Miami to stay with my friends Liz and Dave.

At that time, there was nothing better than sitting in the warm sun, thinking about my future... something I hadn't allowed myself to think about for a number of months.

These days, the one thing that would make that experience better is if my wife was there with me.

Recently, my first week at my new job was tough. The second week brought its own challenges. Now, as I sit blogging for my three or four fans, while simultaneously watching/listening to Peter Gabriel, I remember that everything is relative.

I typically start a new job with a box of smiles and hellos. It's a great first impression, considering that I'll likely become a grumpy co-worker in due time. But things need to be different at this job. We have huge potential, and I need/want to make it work.

With the child-like love of life that November 2002 brought me, and its ever-present spirit, I should struggle to contain myself.

Seven years. A long time ago in some ways. My life now is completely different, and just like every moment in my life, if you asked me what I would change - if I could change anything, my answer stays the same - nothing.

I am a blessed man. That, oh yeah, is the bottom line.

Sweet Change (Chocolate Coins?)

Now that I got that last post out of me, let me say that this first week on the new job - aside from being stressful, was very fulfilling. There is a new vibe in the office - everyone is excited about being on the ground floor of a new project.

There will be challenges for our team, and for me as a leader, but we have a chance to do things right, and I'm encouraged by the opportunity.

The biggest change is that all of the negativity that hung around the last job is not present at the current job. It makes going to work a lot easier!

So with a new start, we can do great things... and I can't wait to see what those things are!

Work It!

Started my new job this week, and all I can say is that I am embarrassed.

I can't believe how such a simple concept as developing a schedule in Microsoft Project could be so demanding.

While trying to get my arms around the scope of the project, starting the project, and learning the ropes, I was tasked to develop the project schedule, and simply could not get a handle on it.

Ultimately, I got it done ahead of schedule, but not without some difficulty.

I put a lot of time into it, and I am definitely glad that that project is done. I just hope that my boss doesn't think I am too much of an idiot!

So now that the schedule is done, I've got some goals to meet. That part is very exciting to me. Hopefully I can get this embarrassing week behind me, and kick butt throughout the rest of this program!

The Art and the Television

Yeah, watching TV and blogging don't mix. Heed my words.

The Jig is Up

I'm sitting, watching a German movie about the Stasi in the late 80s. The Stasi was in charge of watching people, ensuring there was no upheaval of the Eastern bloc communist regime. People were scared and distrustful of their neighbors, and secrets and lies abounded.

So the jig is up. My big secret has been uncovered, and everyone at work now knows that I have accepted another position.

It's nice to be free of the burden of that secret. I am excited about the opportunity I am about to partake in, and relish the ability to talk about it.

Hell-to-the-yeah, I got me a new job!

I am so blessed and grateful to have this chance, and I hope to accomplish great things.

For now, I will click on Ghost Hunters and anticipate the great things tomorrow may bring!

Bouncing Round the Room

The dead weather draws near once again, and sure enough, change comes along with it.

For what seems like my entire life, fall has been the harbinger of change. And because I - like most people - am slow to embrace change, fall has a tendency to be my least favorite time of year.

This year, many of the changes I mention are VERY VERY good - yet, they are changes nonetheless.

So what's a boy to do, if not bounce around a room?

October 23 is going to be a big day for a couple of reasons - one of which I cannot mention at this point. The other reason is because it heralds my 7th rebirthday.

I would never be the person that I am if not for two things: Sheryl and cancer. And you could easily make the argument that I wouldn't have even met Sheryl if not for cancer.

So October 23 - the anniversary of my final cancer treatment - is a pretty huge day for me. Geez... 7 years... time does fly.

Great things are afoot at the Circle K. This weekend is going to be a good one for the soul. I'll be watching movies while supporting the Children's Leukemia Foundation, and the family is getting together to hang out - which is a strange thing for us outside of holidays. And of course, how can you go wrong on football sunday?

Seeing as that today is Tuesday, though, I'll have to put my head down and grind out the next coupla days. And grind, I mean... with tomorrow's visit to the dentist...

See? So much going on, and I haven't even started telling you about the GREAT things! :)

Change is the only constant. Like Bruce Lee said, be like water - resilient strength that goes with the flow.

It's time to get wize...

Hope and faith - that's how I roll.
You could say I'm ignorant, and see the world through rose-colored glasses, but the fact of the matter is that when things get real, I am become survive.

I consider myself blessed to be here, and to have the friends and family that I have. I also have a good relationship with karma, and don't have a reason to fear.

Not everyone in the world is blessed like that. There are a lot of things out of our control that can grab us around the throat and stifle our breath of life. But we can control how these things affect us, and how we react to them.

If we combine wisdom with luck, there should be nothing that can stop us.

Except for the ninja vampires. They really suck!

And that's totally a good enough reason to brush up on your mad ninja skills.

Seriously.

A Quarter Shy

Alone in the stone cold silence
No joy, no cheers, no violence
Even the crickets stop and listen
Cats and snakes stop their hissin'
The bells in my ears ring and toll
Like thunder in the sky: roll roll roll
The sound of my soul quietly sings
Magic nirvana dancing on strings
I listen for answers, yearning for truth
A quarter shy in god's great phonebooth
But rather than feel sadness and dread
I allow dreams and hope to fill my head
Just cuz I listen doesn't exactly mean
That answers will fill my noggin-like bean
I will sit and listen with all of my sense
Alone in the cold
Stone cold silence.

The Tune Train

Tonight, we went to see Jill Jack perform at a furniture store. It was such a good time, and the music was great.

Tonight, more than any other night, I really noticed how great Jill and her band are. But beyond that, I felt like I was riding on a train through my mind... fueled by the music.

Certain tunes make me think of certain things. Tonight, I found myself enjoying thoughts about my childhood, elementary school, college and post-college.

In the mid- and late 80s, I found myself naturally gravitating towards musicians and artists. At the time, I was doing a lot of writing, and these people were my brethren. We were a breed apart from everyone else, and loved it.

Sheryl and I talked to Jill a little tonight, and it sparked those memories. I was reminded of the feelings and people that I had met at the time. And the stories. My stories, their stories, our stories.

We all had dreams. And I believe we still do.

I love my life. I love where I am at in my life, and I am tickled to have been so blessed. But I gotta say... I miss a lot of the stuff that happened in those days. I miss the camaraderie, the conversations, the eclectivity.

When I listened to Jill tonight, or when I listen to Wilco, or Stewart Francke, I am able to jump the train in my head and visit those times. They take me back to when I felt like an artist. Mmmm. Sweet dirty life.

Being a technical writer, my job and career is very cut and dried. There is little or no room for creativity. On occasion, the creativity I have bottled up inside me busts out like a champagne cork that must be liberated.

I think it's coming close. Better watch your eyes, because you never know where that cork is gonna fly to...

So Jill, Stewart, and Wilco... if you're out there reading this, thanks for allowing me to hop the train. Jill, as usual, it was another wonderful show. Thanks for helping me tap into those long ago dreams... they are warm comfort... a happy buzz in mid-life.

The Long Road... Back

Rambling along in my mind
Aching bones and restless,
I travel back to the road that led me to where I am.

I smile and wave to the kind folks that have made my acquaintance,
The dusty souls and ghosts of memories,
I watch myself doing dirty deeds of my past,
And cleaning my karma with universal offerings of love.

Rambling along in my mind
Aching and restless,
I recognize the importance of looking back...
Glancing to the past, yet not living there.

Those weary roads laced with shards of my life
Have led me here...
Here... no other place I'd rather be...
Here... the launching pad to the future...
Here... one more look at my surroundings...
Before here becomes there,
And this moment becomes the last moment
And the moment before.

I love the dusty roads of the past.
Those dusty roads are my life.
But they are not my legacy...
Which is still up the road ahead of me.

What time is great?

With my wife going back to school, I have been feeling like a slug. Here she is, working towards even more greatness, and I sit resting on my laurels. That ain't right, and I cain't believe that I am allowing this.

Now, just because I am doing a lot of nothing doesn't mean that nothing is being done. I know myself well enough to recognize that I am drawing power and strength, awaiting the great burst of awesomeness.

Think of it like a ghost. They say that ghosts draw energy from different objects in order to appear or "do something". I am a ghost drawing power.

It's not like I'm really not doing anything. Rather, I reckon I am just more proud of Sheryl's endeavors than my own.

What have I accomplished lately? Well, I still have a job, and I think I am doing it rather well. Being in a team lead position gives me a chance to learn more about leadership and management. It's good to roll with the punches rather than battle the entire route.

I have also been working on dropping weight, and getting healthier. I am now 5 years away from the age that my dad died. It's time to embrace health rather than battling it the entire route...

So, while I bide my time for a moment of brilliance, I suppose I'll ride my wife's coattails, and write an occasional blog. Ah, tomorrow... what will ye bring?

Much love to all three of you who read this stuff... I wish you everything amazing.

Fall, my old nemesis.

Part of me gets excited about the changes that fall brings.
Part of me hates it.
Really frigging hates it.

Fall is in the air these days. The sun is nodding to the South, and the days are getting short.
The night air gets cold, and the shade does, too...
Football sweet football is underway.

This is the time of year when I think of how I've wasted my year.
When I think about how I can still make it a positive 365 days overall.
When I think about all of the great strides I've made while riding my bike during the cycling season...
And how I have to find a way to make up for it during the cold cold winter.

And when I think about this year, I think of last year and the years before.
I wonder if I've done enough to get me to heaven.
I wonder if I've done enough for people to remember me when I'm gone.
And if not (most certainly not!), what must I do from here on out.

I know that I was not put on this Earth to simply exist.
As my energy wanes, I wonder if I wasted my youth.

I like to think this is a sign of madness - never thinking you've done good enough.
It makes presidents and miracle men.
I just want to have been a virus...
And have done enough to allow others to keep my memory alive.

Fall. Love/hate.
Only 370 days til summer! :)

The Longest (and best) Bike Ride Ever (this year) (so far)

Sometimes you need to take a day off to simply re-charge your batteries. Sometimes you need to play hooky for no reason other than wanting to. Ferris Bueller did it, why can't we?

I took yesterday off work to take advantage of the dwindling beautiful weather. I had one item on my agenda: to ride.

I woke up later than usual (because I could!), and rolled around in bed (because I could!). I finally got up, had some breakfast, and wallowed in the beautiful morning sun.

When I finally headed out the door to ride, the sun was warm, the breeze was slight, and the roads were somwhat clear of morning traffic.

For the last month or so, I have been tweaking "the filly" - my year and a half old bike that has possibly been making my back worse off than usual. Yesterday, before I rode, I made a final tweak to my seat. Finally, she's all adjusted - just in time for fall...

I reset my bike computer, and rolled down the driveway... down the street... and I was flying. Past the park where Sheryl and I celebrated our wedding with friends and family... through the neighborhood... past the breakfast diners and coney islands...

I rode past Jill Jack's home, and the miles ticked by on the odometer...

"Hey Bulldog", by the Beatles ran through my head the entire way, and I thought about how much car prices suck these days. I thought about how the sequence of events that led to my having to buy a new vehicle was simply rotten timing. I supposed I could live with that... after all, I was riding my bike in the middle of the work day. Nothing could stress me out.

After one hour and nine minutes and forty-nine seconds, I stopped in front of our garage. 17.1 miles. The longest ride this year... a real joy and a real accomplishment, considering last year at this time, I was in the middle of physical therapy, and was seriously wondering if I would ever ride my bike again - let alone ride more than 5, 10, or 15 miles!

Cooler, too, is that it gives me hope for next year... something to train towards... do I have long rides in my future after not doing long rides over the last two years?

As I sat down on our patio furniture, finishing my fluids, I couldn't wipe the smile from my face. Although it wasn't even after lunchtime, this had been the best work day ever... this year... so far...

The Last Waltz

There is a certain joy in music. There is a certain sorrow in music. This is one of the reasons I love music so much.

I have been told that my writing can touch a vein - a "chord", if you will. But for me, my writing will never do what music does.

I am watching "The Last Waltz", and am astounded by the constant evolution of emotions that I feel while listening to The Band. Music is totally the canvas to the paintbrush of words.

When I was in high school, I learned about how words could be construed through the way they were conveyed. I tested the theory by yelling at our dog: "I LOVE YOU!!!" Yeah, the dog responded a lot quicker when I didn't yell.

So if you put the words "You make me crazy" to music, it could mean many different things. What is the environment? The vibe?

Of course, while music elicits emotion, words becom more meaningful. It's a crazy thing, man!

There are things that we all aspire to be. I would love to be a musician. I would love to write words like Bob Dylan. I would love to elicit emotion like "Amazing Grace".

So for the time being, I will "find a place where I can lay my head". I will keep an eye out for "Carmen and the devil, walkin' side by side", and I will always aspire to be an architect of analogies, a smither of words, and pray, that just for one day, my words can find the proper canvas - the proper medium - to make you go "Whoa!"