HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY, MOM!!

On Saturday, October 1, my mom turns 60 years old.

I still get people telling me, "Dude, your mom is HOT!"

Anyone who has read my book understands how much my mom means to me. I love her to death.

When I was a kid, I used to play outside all the time, never knowing my limitations. At night, my knees would hurt so bad that I'd burst out in tears.

My mom would sit there and rub my knees for me until I fell asleep, or until she got too tired. More often than not, I fell asleep.

I loved playing baseball as a kid, and when my dad wasn't available, I'd talk my mom into playing catch with me. And although I still tease her about throwing like a girl, she did pretty okay - and had a lot more courage than all of the other mothers on the block!!

When I was going through cancer treatments, it killed me to ask my mom to come over and help me clean my house. Although she would have done it every week if I had asked.

My mom has supported me through every major decision I've made - no matter how stupid I was.

I scoff at Mother's day every year. My mom means so much to me that I try to remind her all year long - not just on some Hallmark holiday.

My mom has "adopted" many of my friends, and my friends adore my mother as well.

Not only do I love you, mom, but I respect you, your wisdom and opinions as well. I'm so glad that long life runs in your family - I'll have you around for lots and lots more years!

I hope your birthday is great!

Ahhh... October is nearly here.

Many people think of trees changing colors and Halloween during the month of October. I remember as a kid that October meant the World Series in baseball - now it's only the start of the playoffs.

October is also the start of hockey season, which I admit, excites me. It's also the month for a lot of birthdays in my family, including my rebirthday (the day I celebrate the end of cancer treatments) on October 23 (#3 this year!).

However, October means something else to me - the start of the training season.

Traditionally, when I've trained for long bike rides, I started training in October. This is the case again this year.

What am I training for this year? That's a fair question.

I've actually got a couple of goals for 2006 (don't tell my counselor that!): 1) I'll train for BRAG - the Bike Ride Across Georgia - held during the 3rd month of June; 2) a big bike ride that has to do with the "great idea that I have", but am not ready to share yet.

So what does training entail? Well, this year, I hope that it is something a little different. As a result of my grand idea, I hope to weasel some free expert advice. However, typically it includes a lot of miles on the trainer while watching old Tour de France videos.

Although this is my last week of screwing off, I have been getting into the mental attitude of training - drinking more water, and watching what I eat a little closer.

So, while everyone waits around for trees to turn colors, I happen to look forward to sweating out toxins and trying to ensure that rebirthday #4 in October 2006 is one of my healthiest!

Hey, a man's gotta dream!

Got back yesterday from a few days up in Lewiston, Michigan. Sheryl and I went up there Saturday after the Gilda's Club Family Walk, where I was selling books.

I suppose that I should say that I had hoped that by contributing a portion of each sale to Gilda's Club, I would have sold more books than I did. In any case, I did what I could, and will be happily donating $100 to Gilda's Club.

Once we got to Lewiston, it became a lot of drink drank drunk.

We really didn't do much, except hang out and chill. It rained nearly all day Sunday, but Monday was gorgeous. Sheryl was looking forward to having a fire and I was looking forward to seeing a real night sky (as opposed to a city night sky). Neither one of us was disappointed.

While trying to keep warm beside a roaring fire, we waited for the night sky to come out. We walked to a clearing, and stood amazed at the enormous number of stars. The milky way was flowing, and a couple of stars shot past... it doesn't get much better than that.

So now I'm back home, dying for one of my job nibbles to take the bait and run... Come on God... we're so close, I feel it!!

Blog ya later!

I've been assaulted for the past few months with an idea of doing a charity bike ride to raise money for Gilda's Club. The problem has been that I've had way too many other things on my plate - crying for work, marketing my book, etc. However, the plan seems to be working itself off of dead center.

It's a great plan - I think it's pretty cool, if I say so myself! Unfortunately, I know I'll have to do most of the work myself, and it makes me tired just thinking about it! If it's meant to be, however, it will happen... and it seems to be moving along.

Sorry I can't tell you the idea in my blog - I've had too many people steal my ideas in the past. For instance, the rear window wiper on cars was mine. I was eight years old, walking into Universal City with my mom, and asked her how come there weren't any windshield wipers for the rear window? Mom didn't know, but years later, look what happened! I know some GM engineer overheard me asking my mom... so no more freebie ideas from me, damnit!

Anyhow, not a lot new today... I'm still hoping to hear something from the two - three job leads I have. Saturday Sheryl and I will be selling my book at the Gilda's Family Walk. Hopefully, we can sell the remaining 90 or so books, and I can get a third printing ordered...THAT would be sweet!

Well, until next time, kiddies...

It's tough writing a blog when "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" is on TV at the same time...

Two words: Phoebe Cates.

Anyhow, I think I'm addicted to lectures. Although tonight's lecture at the fabulous Ferndale library was not well attended, I had the same rush as I did after the Gilda's lecture. And that's pretty sweet!

More important than the lecture was getting together with Dave Hurst afterwards. When I was going through my cancer treatments, Dave asked me to be on the board of directors for Trips for Kids Detroit. Dave is a great guy, who I met while I trained to ride across Montana. I wanted to support Dave's dream of helping inner city kids, so I agreed. Unfortunately, after a couple of years, I realized that my heart wasn't in it... so I stepped down.

Dave was also the first person who asked me about talking to kids - to be an inspiration to them, but I didn't understand. Now, it all seems to make sense.

It's a crazy, crazy life, and although I've recently learned that I have limitations, I think the crazy life is the life for me!

So... what's been happening?

Yep, it's been a while since I blogged last. I can't say it's been because I've been having too much fun, but rather the opposite.

I essentially broke down after the last post. I needed to re-align my thinking/priorities, and plan for the wosrt case scenario - selling/losing my house.

Although I completely understand that a house is "just stuff", I've realized that I've become quite attached to my home. Ever since I was in college, all I ever wanted was "a place for my stuff". And now here I am.

Well, after I hit bottom, a couple of things happened to give me hope: 1) I had an interview, and 2) I had a friend let me know that her company has been doing a lot of hiring, and I applied for a job there.

The interview went, I feel, pretty good. And suddenly, I'm optimistic once again. I love doing marketing for my book, but I would really like to get back into the workplace. I feel like a real part of society when I work. And hopefully, I'll have a chance now!

Another sign that things might be swinging my way is that I won a little drawing the other day at the Canadian Post that I belong to.

So... things have been tough, but hopefully there is that light at the end of the tunnel getting bigger and bigger.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no mental superhero who can overcome anything without fear... I've been scared to death for the last week, and have felt terrible. But the moments of clarity are getting closer together and I'm trying like hell to help things change...

Tonight is my second lecture - at the Ferndale Library. It should be fun, and I'm hoping for some decent book sales.

Thank so much for everyone who is praying for me. Hopefully we can move beyond that shortly!

Much love...

Not feeling particularly chipper today. The jobless thing is killing me.

I fully subscribe to the theory that a positive attitude is necessary to get past the crappy things in life, but does anyone realize how much energy it takes to overcome negativity? Ugh! The worst part is wanting to get drunk or find some other way to pass out, but realizing that it will do absolutely no good at all. So I gotta bitch about it on my blog, and show a side of me that I don't like to show.

Sure, I know things will get better. And I do understand that things have been worse. But sometimes I feel like I did while I was surviving cancer... constantly having this cloud over my head, and wishing like hell that I could get out from underneath the damn thing! Grrr...

I was telling my brother Van tonight that something's gotta give... I just hope it's not me...

Oh well, tomorrow's another day...

Still in the CD player:
"Gasoline" by The Hard Lessons
"Side One" / "Side Two" by Adrian Belew
"Bad Company" by Bad Company
"Always Outnumbered, Never Outgunned" by the Prodigy

Hmmm... it's been a while since I blogged - as some of you are all too aware of!

But last Thursday, I really didn't feel much like talking about anything. It was sort of a down day for me to charge my batteries before this weekend.

Friday started things off with the Detroit Open Dart League banquet. Now, I am on the executive board of the DODL, and yet, even I felt like the banquet was DULL. I wish I had some ideas on how to spice up the banquet, but I frankly feel like I need to focus on other things - like a job, perhaps? Like my book, perhaps? Seeing as that the next banquet is nearly a year away, I think I've got some time...

So after the banquet, I talked Sheryl into going to Aunt Hurricane's, which was only a few blocks away from the banquet hall. We didn't stay too late, as it quickly became a long night.

The next morning, I had volunteer gig at Gilda's Club - Spa Day. Normally, I set up for Spa Day, then come home, only to return later on to clean up. Well, this Saturday, I needed to stick around to sell some books - half of the proceeds going to Gilda's Club until September 24th. So, I set up for Spa Day, sold my one book, and 7 hours later returned home - in time to catch up on some college football prior to going to Pat and Patti's house. At 6pm, my mom, Bill, Sheryl and I headed over to Pat and Patti's for some conversation and some dinner.

It was a really nice time. They have a really nice house, and Pat and Patti have always been great friends to me - often better friends than I have been to them.

Anyhow, today is the day I've been looking forward to for a long time - the start of pro football, bay-bee! So I hung out watching the early games before going to Bill's to watch football with my mom and Bill in the first of hopefully many weeks of football-game-watching... which I'm trying to turn Sheryl on to. She's a real trooper, and has made serious attempts at enjoying the same things that I do - particularly cycling and football (we won't even talk about music!).

So that's what I've been up to... how about you?

Seeing as that I may have to sell my house (as a result of STILL being jobless), I've been intrigued by the thought of volunteering with the American Red Cross to help down South. I'll tell you what, though... when it comes down to it, I really think I'm chicken. Ever since I've been sick, I've tried to embrace change. Right now, though, I can't seem to accept the fact that I need to sell my house and face reality. Most of the time, I am a "glass is half-full" guy, and as a result, I tend to overlook the particularly uncomfortable things in life.

Needing to sell my house is one of those things.

I still think that something might happen to save my ass, but if not, perhaps volunteering with the Red Cross might be the perfect thing to keep me from thinking too much about my failed career. Keeping with the "I tend to overlook the particularly uncomfortable things in life" theme, I will overlook the fact that I will have reneged on many commitments and will dearly miss certain people if I choose to pursue volunteership with the ARC.

I do love the fact that life is so uncertain... you never know if today is the day you get your 15 minutes of fame, or if you save the baby from the well. Sometimes, just hearing a new song is great, or meeting a familiar stranger. The man I sold my book to on Saturday said to me "Hey, you're the guy!" I laughed, and said "Yes I am!" He smiled. He said, "No, you're the guy who wrote this book!" Again, I laughed and said "Yes I am!" At which point, he told me that he had just recently heard/read about me, but couldn't remember when/where. As a result, he was eager to purchase a book.

Oddly enough, I was eager to sell one.

In any case, it's moments like that which can really make your day... your life... your...

moment.

Now in the CD player:
"Gasoline" by The Hard Lessons
"Side One" / "Side Two" by Adrian Belew
"Bad Company" by Bad Company
"Always Outnumbered, Never Outgunned" by the Prodigy

Don't you wish that sometimes you could just plug into someone else's head and share certain experiences with them without having to explain it?

This happened to me a couple of times today. The first was during my interview. I am so positive that I am the right person for the job - a perfect fit, that I wanted the interviewer to understand as implicitly as I do!

Without such an ability to do something like this, the interviewer could fall under the evil spell of some bs'er who has no understanding of the job at all - and that just can't happen this time!

A couple of other instances came while consoling friends. I just wish I could have plugged into them to help them understand that things will work out... or hell, maybe they could have helped ME understand that!

Arsenio Hall had his "things that make you say 'hmmmm...'". There's no reason I can't have "things that make you say 'what the f--- is he talking about?'"

Cripes, I need a job. Anyone? Anyone?

Now playing:
WDET 101.9FM

Life is all about changes. If we're lucky, we'll take advantage of these changes, and become more complete human beings.

This last week has brought into my social circle a couple of the biggest changes. One friend had a baby, while another friend lost her mother.

Last night, I went to the Hamtramck Festival to see The Hard Lessons with Sheryl and a long time friend of mine. Before and after going down to Ham-town, my buddy - who has had a pretty crappy year - and I spent some time drinking beer and talking. We talked about changes, and we talked about dreams. He and I are dreamers at heart, and while in high school, we had big goals for ourselves.

And now, we both find ourselves in the middle of transitions - just like my other friends mentioned above (and I won't even mention those people who are dealing with Katrina!).

Personally, I feel like things are coming together. In fact, I decided today to allow myself to get excited about a job interview I have tomorrow. I usually try to reserve my excitement because I don't like to be disappointed - and I figure that as long as I don't get excited, I won't be too disappointed if things don't work out.

But Sheryl has been working patiently and diligently with me to help break down some of those barriers that have kept me from excelling and from being a more complete person. As such, I have a lot of hope that this interview will work out. I haven't been excited going into an interview for a long time... so this could be the one!

In general, people do not like change. Whether the change is happy or sad, it is always somewhat stressful. Ever since I was sick in 2002, I've worked to embrace change and to avoid ruts. Of course, there are always exceptions - such examples are the Buffalo chicken sandwich with seasoned fries at Mr. B's and General Tsao chicken at Chinese restaurants - those are good ruts!
Anyhow, if there is a moral to this story, I reckon that it would be "strive to live life". Someone once said "May you live every day of your life." And although it is often easier said than done, I think we'd all be better off if we gave it a try!

Now in the CD player:
"The Wall - Live in Berlin" by Roger Waters
"Heaven and Hull" by Mick Ronson
"Izzy Stradlin and the JuJu Hounds" by Izzy Stradlin and the JuJu Hounds
"Tin Machine" by Tin Machine

The science of darts.... or, the art of throwing pointed metal things and not stabbing anyone (one's self included!).

Last night we started the dart season. Anyone who knows me might say I'm a bit neurotic when it comes to darts. I love playing.

I love the camaraderie. I love the strategy. I love the psychology.

And most people don't know that it's that involved!

The game of darts is much like the games of pool and (dare I say it?) golf. In order to become successful, you need to practice. You need to watch those better than you. And when you get to a certain level, you realize that there are more things to learn and more things to practice. It is constant change and evolution - if you want to get better.

And oddly enough, I am finding that this practice does positive things in my "real" life. For instance, these days, I am working to improve my focus and supressing my nerves. It took me a season and a half to get comfortable with my Wednesday night team, whose two leaders get really worked up during the night, and it messes with the way they throw. I used to get caught up in that, but now I've realized that if I can find a way to relax and control the anxiety that rubs off from them, then I can throw to my potential.

Well, last week during my Gilda's Club lecture, I tried to use some of the same relaxing techniques. As a result, the lecture went really well, and I stopped being nervous early on.

And this works vice versa as well... after I got sick, and learned patience the hard way, I was able to use that in darts.

Believe me, though... I struggle at this game. And even though I understand the concepts behind throwing a great game, I often have a tough time doing it myself. So in line with the saying "those who cannot do, teach", I have found how much I enjoy helping others improve their game.

Overall, it's a very rewarding experience to shoot with your friends, to make new friends, and in my case, I've been fortunate to earn the respect of some people I've looked up to. Sometimes it's taken some tough, tough lessons, but in a way, darts are like life, and those tough lessons will only make you stronger.

A Ditty NOT About Diddy
(to his dismay, no doubt!)

Can you tell me where the good has gone?
Can you tell me what's good these days?
Can you tell me why there's so much junk
and no more Purple Haze?

Have movies become too unreal?
Has television burned our brains?
How has reality TV become entertainment
And real life become so strange?

Now I'm all for growth
Now I'm all for getting better
But look at all the eyes
And the crosses in the letter.

And to think I find it strange
And to think I find it odd
The last time I wrote words like these
Reagan thought he was God.

Someday I'm sure it'll all make sense
Someday I'm sure I won't wake up blue
And until that day I hope like hell
I don't keep bitching about it.. how about you?

I was thinking about all of the crappy things that seem to be going on in the world right now - Yeesh, I feel for them folks in Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana! - and thought about how easy it would be to blog about all of that and whine about things.

So I thought I'd blog about something else I haven't really addressed yet: Lance Armstrong.

The word "hero" is a damn strong word. Some people think that I'd quickly say that Lance is my hero. This is not true. Lance is certainly an inspiration, but not quite my hero.

He is, however, the hero of thousands - and perhaps millions - of people worldwide. And unfortunately, we live in a world that likes to tear our heroes apart.

There is a French newspaper, which I will not name, that is alleging that six year old blood and urine samples show that Lance had taken EPO - a banned substance uring his first Tour win in 1999.

Now, rather than get into all the details, I'd like to ask anyone who has gone through cancer treatments - once you have been treated for cancer, are you going to put more crap into your body? It's this point that makes me believe that Lance is innocent.

How can you get treated with chemotherapy that nearly kills you, then inject yourself with junk to make you ride faster - particularly when you never thought you'd ride - let alone live - again??

Okay, so let's play devil's advocate: Let's say that Lance did take EPO in 1999. Well, the minute he won the '99 Tour, Lance immediately became a hero to many, many people. He's a smart, articulate guy... why would he continue such a facade for another six Tours de France? How could he - as a human being and father - continue such a lie? Well, I just don't see it.

This latest round of allegations are really suspicious: Lance is already retired, the samples are "B" samples which have been laying around for six years after Lance's "A" samples were already considered clean, and as a result Lance cannot refute the allegations because there are no further samples to prove himself innocent. I think it's strange that all of the allegations against Lance through the years have come through French newspapers or disgruntled former employees.

I go on record as saying that I believe whole-heartedly that Lance is clean and innocent. If, in the future I find that I am wrong, I will be very disappointed - but I will still admire Lance Armstrong for all the good he has done for the cancer community.

Now in the CD player:
"The Doors" by The Doors
"Maxinquaye" by Tricky
"Low" by David Bowie
"Live on King Biscuit" by Humble Pie

My Morning at the Zoo...

Man, a lot has happened over the past couple of days, and I'm trying to put everything in order. In the meantime, I wanted to talk about the zoo.

This morning, I volunteered at the NAAMA Walk for Women's Cancers, put on by the Karmanos Cancer Institute. After I dragged my ass out of bed at 6am, I cruised over to the Detroit Zoo and checked in. I was supposed to escort vendors and musicians into their spaces, but things got a little screwed up and I ended up greeting walkers as they arrived.

The walk started at 8:45-9:00am, so essentially my job was over at that time. I decided to wander the zoo before checking out.

I haven't been to the zoo since 1997, which was the first time I'd been to the zoo in nearly 15 years. In '97, though, I made it through the zoo rather quickly. Today, I took my sweet-ass time.

It's funny, but sometimes as an adult, you appreciate things differently than as a kid. And sometimes not. Today was a day for both.

I wandered past the camels and white-lipped deer, noticing how odd a two-humped camel really looks! And then of course, there was the guy who came up, muttering to a friend: damn, of all days to forget my gun! Heh heh... Yeah, that's funny. Dork.

It was still early, so some of the animals weren't out yet. I missed the peccaries and red pandas, but was mesmerized by the tigers. Day-um, those cats is HUGE! I stood and watched one roam back and forth, thinking how incredible it was that these animals were only a block or two away from quiet neighborhoods.

I went through the primates area, but the only ones out were the snow monkeys. Again, I stood and watched the dynamics amongst the group. And then the lions. I remember as a kid how cool it was to hear the lions roar. This morning, however, they were quietly meadering within their area, just chilling.

As I walked away from the lions and snow monkeys, I noticed a very large area to my right... and there I saw a huge animal - even as an adult, I thought the rhino was incredibly mighty. It plodded along an already worn path, walking across in front of me. Like the camels, the rhino is one strange looking animal!


By this time, I had reached the furthest point from the entrance. I began tracking my way back past the scimitar-horned oryx and the feisty zebra. And then the familiar Egyptian backdrop came into view. Here comes the giraffes!

I was surprised, though, to see ostriches also sharing the giraffe exhibit. And either the giraffes were small, or the ostriches were huge! It was very interesting!

Somehow, I missed the hippopotamus on my way towards the kangaroos. Once I got to the kangas, though, I felt like a kid. Lounging around under the sun, the kangas lay. I wanted to yell and scream to them to DO SOMETHING!!! Come on, joey, HOP!! But I just smiled at the fact that some things just don't change between 9 and 39 years old...

I walked past the incredible bison, the perky prairie dogs, and wandered to see the wolverines. Now THAT was cool!

I made my way past the Asian wild horses and aardvark, when I realized that I'd missed the much-hyped Arctic Ring of Life. Oh yeah, it was worth it!! Seeing the seals and polar bears splash about in the water was even more cool when I followed a downward path that led indoors to an underwater viewing area. Seals glided overhead, and in the distance, we could see the polar bears jumping in and out of the water. Stepping back outside, I followed the path back up to another building, where it was easier to see the momma and polar cub in the water.

As a result of the path I took, I missed the bear exhibit. By his time, I was getting kinda tired, so I kept making progress towards the exit. Again passing the locally famous Rackham Fountain, I found myself at the Holden Museum of living reptiles. When I was in 4th grade, I had a quirky teacher who decided that we were going to adopt a reptile. As part of the project, we went to the zoo and saw our pet iguana. It was in the Holden building, and I have been to this building every single time I have been to the zoo. It was a neat memory of my past.

Next was a relatively new exhibit - Amphibiville. It's really neat how the zoo maintains two-prong views. It tries to maintain its history, as well as gearing new things towards kids. Amphibiville was certainly geared towards kids, but it was still cool to see Amazon tree frogs, and things like that.

By this point, I was pretty whupped. There were three more exhibits to see before leaving, but I was willing to give up the aviary and the butterfly garden to go to the other place I have visited every time I have visited the zoo - the Penguinarium.

I have always loved the penguin house. I loved watching them swim past the viewing window, hauling ass. Today, I had a chance to watch them being fed. It was neat watching the birds pushing to the front, trying to get more food than others. The woman feeding them was good, though... she pretty much gave them all the same amount.

I was darn near ready for a nap at this point, so I left the zoo, and went to check out as a volunteer... but all of the walk tables, etc., were vacant and some were torn down. There was no one around to check out! That said, I got into the car at 11:30 (I coulda sworn it was at least 1:30!) and headed home... happy thoughts of lions and tigers and (polar) bears dancing in my brain...

Now on: Fox News' coverage of Hurricane Katrina.

WOW... or, for our dyslexic friends, WOW... (if you're looking at it upside down, MOM)

So tonight was my first real reading of "Cancerboy". I wanted so badly to have a good lecture, and it appears to have worked!

I'll tell you what, I worked hard and prepared for this mutha! My biggest concern - despite whether it would suck or not - was how nervous I'd be. When I'm nervous, I sweat. And when I sweat, I get more nervous! Anyhow, after the first couple of minutes, I felt great - relaxed and calm. Even when things didn't work out as planned, or when I'd trip over my tongue, I was able to recover acceptably.

And MAN, WHAT A RUSH!

Prior to the lecture I had a knot in my lower back, and sweated heavily. Looking back, I'm thinking I didn't get a deep breath all day until it was over, either!

We had a nice turnout of around 30 people, and I was comforted having the support of everyone there... particularly Sheryl, Van and my mom. We sold eight books, and gave out some buttons... the weird thing was trying to explain to each person what "the shizzle" was!

The audience was amazing, though. I felt like everyone wanted to hear what I had to say, and that was such a cool thing to experience.

Everything I have done with "Cancerboy" to date has been a new experience. Tonight, I told stories about my life that I never told to groups greater than one. And here I was, just spouting it all off the top of my head... it was cool. Very cool.

Damn, was that fun!

I keep hoping that stuff like this is just practice for the Oprah show, or something like that!

Anyhow, many many thanks to everyone who showed up tonight, and really, truthfully, thank you Sheryl for everything you did, and for being so great.

This weekend is gonna be crazy... got my fantasy football draft Saturday! Whoo-hoo! Football! So it might be a couple days before I post again.

Man, this is an amazing life...

Now playing:
"Mota Atma" by Tangerine Dream

One of my dearest friends, Peg, always tells me "you can never have enough friends!" And it's so true...

Because of my philosophy/logic problem (see earlier post), I never realize what I mean to my friends. However, I do know how important my friends are. If nothing else, my friends keep me alive, and full of new and fresh ideas. It is a result of this that I am able to make positive strides in the world that I perceive.

In an attempt to grab a firmer handle on marketing and selling "Cancerboy", I have invited a small group of friends and family over to brainstorm at the end of this week. I thought carefully about whom I wanted to invite, and what each person could contribute.

I have to say, I am very excited. In fact, with the minds and hearts I have invited, I believe we could build a rocket that could orbit the Earth... with maybe a little help from my rocket scientist friend in California...

So look out world, "Cancerboy" will be on the tip of your tongue before you even know it!

And for the record, I value the thoughts and input of each and every one of my friends and family. Those whom I didn't contact certainly do not mean any less to me!!

In the CD player:
"3 O'Clock High Soundtrack" and "Mota Atma" by Tangerine Dream
"Get Behind Me Satan" by The White Stripes
"Greetings From the Gutter" by Dave Stewart

Back on the bike...

Saturday, I went to Ann Arbor with Jon and Sue to do the AABTS' Dexter Breakfast Ride. We debated about whether to do the 38 or 48 mile ride, as the weather was looking pretty ill. So we figured we'd ride to Dexter - about 10 miles away, and see how we felt/how the weather was holding out.

Before we headed out, it started raining. We were told that if we saw lightning, "all bets are off... just hunker down and wait it out." And off we went...

Not even into our first mile, lightning arcs across the sky. So I looked back at Jon and Sue to see their reaction. Reading no sense of concern, and having very little concern myself, I kept pedalling.

After riding along for a bit, I dehydrated.

Okay, I didn't really, but I figured a lot of people out there would be disappointed if I didn't! :)

Anyhow, we plugged along, and the rain started falling like it was coming out of one of them sweet showerheads. I was wearing only my jersey and shorts, and was kinda cold. My shoes and socks had been soaked since mile 3.

So at mile 6, we stopped at a park entrance and considered our options. Seeing as that I'm not really smart when it comes to "things that happen while riding that are detrimental to my health", I was surprised to hear my voice say "I'm all for heading back".

We agreed to cut the ride short, and started back towards Ann Arbor. After climbing the hill we had just come down, I suddenly found the strength and drive to barrel ahead.

I was soaked to the bone, and chilled on top of that, so I thought it was prudent to get back as quickly as I could. As lightning and thunder tickled my eyes and ears, I occasionally looked down at my speedometer. It consistently read 17, 18mph.

Now and again, I could hear Jon behind me saying something, but I had become too focused to ask him to repeat himself. As I rode, looking for the best line around cracks in the road, I found myself "in the zone". "The zone" was a welcome place... like an old friend whom you miss dearly. I haven't been riding much or too well again this year, so it was rare to find "the zone".

I suddenly found myself "outside of myself", thinking "Damn, this is the greatest feeling in the world - this is the greatest ride in the world!"

And yet, all I wanted was to dry off and warm up a little.

So we eventually get back to the starting point, only to see all but 5 riders (which included Jon, Sue and I) still sitting there. They said that once they saw the lightning, they decided to wait it out...

Despite the ride only being 12 miles, I really enjoyed it. I felt strong, which is a great, great feeling!

This week is a busy one for me... The lecture at Gilda's Club is this Thursday, and I am still not sure what I am going to talk about! I've got a lot of ideas, but nothing is set in stone yet... It's a good thing that I'm a good planner!

Now in the CD player:
"Singles 45 and Under" by Squeeze
"Talkie Walkie" by Air
"Anthology" by Argent
"Get Behind Me Satan" by the White Stripes

Yeah, I've got stuff to say... but tonight was sort of a night off for me, and I took advantage of it, hanging out with my friend Ron Bacardi. So rather than saying anything particularly stupid, I thought I'd share some links/stories that I think are kinda interesting...

Rolling Stones are still rattling cages!

This site is humorous and intense - often at the same time!

Feel like you're getting robbed?

Forget reality TV... how about dealing with some reality?

And now for something completely twisted...

Canadians, Inuits and the English seem to know something we don't... (Gail turned me on to this stuff!).

And here is my fave band of the summer of 2005.

Ever hear of The Secret Machines?

Now HEAR is something sonically interesting!

And so the world turns. Make sure to catch the planet Mars this month... it's the closest to Earth than it will ever be again in our lifetime... as well as our grandchildrens' lifetime!

Rock on!

Volunteerism... what's up with that?

Before I got sick, I found that I had some extra time on my hands, and looked into volunteering. Instead, I decided to go back to school.

As I was finishing my radiation treatments, however, my doctor suggested that I look into volunteering for a cancer cause. As I was already feeling like I needed to give back, the idea of volunteering was obvious. The next day, outside the radiation department, I picked up a brochure for Gilda's Club.

A couple months later, I finally got around to meeting with the volunteer coordinator at Gilda's. It was December, and I helped set up for spa day. I had to leave to help my mom get her Christmas tree, but I was back at Gilda's to put everything back in place after spa day was over.

Volunteering got into my veins. A friend of mine asked me to be on the board of directors for Trips for Kids Detroit. So I did that, too. But I found that I didn't have quite the commitment to that. See, my thing was cancer, and not so much kids.

Through Gilda's, I met a woman who got me into volunteering at the Detroit Thanksgiving Day Parade studio. That was kinda cool... the parade is an icon in Detroit, and I wanted to be a part of it!

My heart, however, belongs to Gilda's Club. I have had a chance to meet a lot of amazing people there, and many have become close friends.

During the cool months, when I've finished cleaning up after a lecture, I like to sit in the community room with the lights down low, and perhaps some music playing. I ground myself, remembering where I came from, and what is really important in life.

People volunteer for many different reasons. Some volunteer as a result of having to put in community hours. Some volunteer to meet like minded people. Some are looking for a mate. Whatever the reason, whether it's from the heart or from necessity, I think the world would benefit if more people volunteered.

Some people these days feel that they are entitled to receive everything they can. I thought the "me" generation was in the 80s. And if so, perhaps this is the "gimme" generation.

I received an e-mail this week from Sheryl (who, by the way, I met at Gilda's Club!). I have a really hard time asking for help, and so does she. We were talking about our "problem", and she she passed along this quote to me:

“Giving is only one-half of the law of increase. Receiving is the other half. We can give and give, but we may unbalance the law unless we also expect to receive.”

But what about the opposite? What about Ivana and the Gimme Gimme Gimme's?

Wouldn't it be nice if school programs required some volunteer work? I think we'd all find out what the world was really about.

So even if you ladle out some chili at the soup kitchen on Thanksgiving, or clean up trash at the local park, give volunteering a shot... maybe you'll find out something amazing about yourself.

In the CD player:
"Minimum Maximum - Disc 2" by Kraftwerk
"Sohoman (Live in Sydney 1982)" by Tangerine Dream
"Mota Atma" by Tangerine Dream
Soft Machine Live Cuts

It's an extremely sad realization when you've worked very hard to carve out a promising career, then see it all go to hell. And the funky thing of it all is that I look at the career moves I've made, and wouldn't do anything differently.

Despite having an amazing life, I've really got some crappy luck. Sometimes I simply can't believe how I've gotten through everything I have. How many people would have stuck their head in the oven? I don't know, but I sure as heck might if this job situation doesn't start looking up!

Okay, that's probably not true...

But the question arises - what's keeping me going?

Simple... faith.

If I didn't have faith that all of this is happening for a reason, I'd have grown despondent long ago. Plus, I've got to have faith that something good will come out of it.

With my career in the crapper, I've put my faith in the thought that geting a Master's degree is the way to go, and perhaps I can revive some of my past victories in the career department.

Damn, typing that was really depressing!

I have faith that I've laid proper seeds for "Cancerboy" to become successful, and those seeds just need to be nurtured for a bit. But it's hard allowing the world to take its' course, and not having a hand in more of the inner workings.

The fact that we have less control over things than we think is also a sad realization. Mine came a week before my birthday in 2002... when my platelet counts were too low to receive chemotherapy. I was willing to do whatever I could to get those platelets high enough - heck, I'da even ate broccoli! But all I could do was wait... and it was frustrating as hell.

And I sit here frustrated yet again, wondering how full my little bag of faith is... and how much longer it will sustain me...

In the CD player:
"The Gemini Suite - Live in 1970" and "Who Do We Think We Are" - by Deep Purple
"In Your Honor - Disc 1" - by Foo Fighters
"Minimum Maximum" - by Kraftwerk