How Does it Feel when You Accomplish Something Great?

This weekend, we accomplished the first Gilda’s Riders event. Although the event raised over $7,000 for Gilda’s Club Metro Detroit, I'm still a little numb and don’t really feel the gratification of doing something amazing.

Sheryl and I went to Mackinaw City on Friday, and once there, we headed to the island for a short stroll. After we got back, we registered for the ride, and drove the “parcourse”, so Sheryl would have an idea of what the ride entailed. By the time we got to the finish, she was scared, not sure of what she got herself into.

A little later, we went to dinner with Jon, Sue and Beth. The dinner was great, but the service really lacked. It was late, so we went back to the hotel and hit the hay.

Saturday morning, we got up too early, and got ready. The weather was gorgeous. Since 7 of our 12 riders were shooting for the 100 mile ride, we met at 7:15 for a team picture.

After pictures, we rolled out around 7:30. It was important for Sheryl to ride at her own pace, and the rest of us ended up dropping her relatively quickly. At the first downhill, I took a flier trying to warm up a bit before hitting the first hill. It felt great.

By the time we got to the first water stop, our group was down to 6. Although I was only riding 50 miles, I was keeping up pretty well with the 100 mile riders until we got to the real hills, where I got dropped. I kept close to the rest, and nearly caught the front 3 when the road split for the 50 mile course.

When I got to the first food stop, I was possibly within the first 10 to arrive. I lounged around a little bit, then continued down the road. The hills kept rolling, and my legs were getting very tired.

Aside from all this was the beauty surrounding me. The leaves were starting to change colors, and one of my favorite sections of the ride went through Wilderness National Park, where there are a number of sand dunes - a bit of the Sahara in the middle of Michigan!

As typical, I rode the rest of the ride by myself, averaging 14 miles per hour as I rode past the next water stop. The uphill grind was tearing my thighs apart, when I finally broke through to level ground.

Normally, on the long stretches of this ride, we have a head wind. This year, we were fortunate to have a tail wind instead. So I fiercely pedalled along - getting bored to the point where I began whistling to myself. I've NEVER whistled to myself on a bike ride before!

My neck and shoulders ached terribly, and I tried to relieve the pain by making circular motions with my arms. When I got to the last rest stop, I still felt strong, and knew I made the right decision to ride 50 miles. Still averaging nearly 14 mph, I finally rolled in at noon.

And what did I see??

Sheryl, smiling and waving to me. She did it - she rode her personal best 25 miles!! On top of that, she finished at 10:00am!

We lingered for a litle while, sharing stories of the road - my favorite part of the ride - then headed back to the hotel for a shower and change of clothes.

Once cleaned up, we went to the Keyhole Bar to eat and wait for other Gilda's Riders. We wolfed down some serious bar food, then broke our ice cream fast with a waffle cone. We were then ready to fall into a post-ride coma.

Around 6pm, Sue and Jon came by. We shared more stories of the road, and found out bit by bit that every one of our team members achieved their personal goals! It was VERY rewarding for me to hear that.

Six of us went to dinner at Audie's, and while we were finishing up our meals, a parade of trucks began.

Coming from the UP, these rigs blew their horns and lit up their trucks while circling Mackinaw City. It lasted at least an hour, as we completed our meals and headed back to our hotel, only to get stuck in the parade traffic!

Sheryl and I wound down the day by sitting at the campfire, sharing more stories of the day and talking about the potential of this event.

We headed to bed, and slept hard until we woke up at Sheryl's typical 5:45am.

We gradually packed up, grabbed breakfast, and headed back home.

Gilda's Riders - Mark 2006, is over.

We had many successes, many lessons learned, and a lot of excitement. Some of our riders were talking about doing it again next year - so that is encouraging.

But for me, it is time to refocus my energy on a job search, and darts. Over the next few weeks, we will ensure all of the monies have been properly attributed to our event, and then have a final tally. My original goals of 10 riders, and $7,000 have been exceeded. We had 12 riders, and the grand total is yet to be totaled.

The money we raised will be used to fund the programs at Gilda's Club Metro Detroit - a place that has helped me in so many ways. After all, I met my real-life angel there - Sheryl. And now we were able to give back a little bit.

So how does it feel when you accomplish something great?

It feels like there's something even greater to be achieved.

Stay tuned! :)

Rainy Day Dream Away

I want to begin this blog by thanking Kid Rock - his belief in my book, and his willingness to promote it to mass distribution.

Yeah, then I woke up - another one of my kooky dreams.

So this morning, we woke up to rain. We've needed rain for a while, and of course, it decides to water the grass the same day that we're supposed to have a training ride with Frankie Andreu!

Ah well, hopefully we'll reschedule before the big ride in three weeks.

Ride-wise, things are finally in slow-down mode. We are hitting up our donors and training. The jerseys are being printed and our sponsors really came through for us. I am really proud to have been able to work with Sheryl, Jon and Sue during the planning of this event. They have certainly made my vision become a reality!

My brother and his family came home for the weekend from Atlanta. It is always so good to have the family together, and we had the profound opportunity to do that last night. With everyone finally doing well, it appears that the only thing that needs to happen yet for our family is for me to get a real job. And it appears that it will likely happen sometime soon.

I've finally gotten a number of good leads, and I look forward to getting back into the business!

Dart season is coming up soon, too. We had our banquet from last season on this past Friday, and it was a little strange... see, in order to bring in a couple of new players into the league, we had to split up our team, which I had come into the league with. Hopefully, though, we can grow the league into one that is bigger and better as a result. One never knows!

Life is good right now. With all the job leads, there is a lot of hope. I can't wait to finally do the things with Sheryl that I've always wanted to do... like travel, go to nice restaurants, and even buy her the occasional floral bouquet. She just ordered her first pair of bike shorts today, so it looks like we're on tap to do more riding together.

I wonder if there are people out there still reading this blog besides Nicole. I want to thank anyone who does read this for their patience. It's been a crazy summer planning Gilda's Riders, and I haven't been able to keep up with everything.

On one more note, August 31 will be the 4th anniversary of my last chemo treatment. October 23, 2007 will be my official five year anniversary.... Ho-lee shizzle...

So what comes next after Gilda's Riders? Well, perhaps Gilda's Riders 2. More importantly to me, however, I will be working on a cancer survivor program. The one I need still eludes me, so maybe it's up to me to make it happen.

What do I need exactly? I don't know. But what I do know is that there is still a lot of crap in my head that needs to be straightened out. See, it appears that life is good and well - which it is - but inside, there are still a lot of issues I need to resolve. But whatever I've got to say about that will have to wait for another day.

Until then, I'll dream away...

Blah Blah Blog...

Blogging has been a great way to express myself and keep my writing chops in shape.

However, there has been so much on my plate lately, that it's been difficult to keep up. As it is, I am writing this on my Palm while passing time at 41B district court in Mt. Clemens.

My days are spent at a job that I despise, and clouds my vibrance while sucking the life out of me.

Ever since my cancer experience, I never expected to be in such a position. However, I do it because I have to - I cannot quit because of my commitment to Sheryl and my house - wait, did I just use "commitment" and "Sheryl" in the same sentence??

Anyhow, this sucky job is also building character... apparently, I need more character...

Believe it or not, the purpose of this blog is not to bitch about my job... rather, it is also to speak about the successes we are having with Gilda's Riders. As I began saying - before I spun WAY off tangent - my days are spent at work, and once I get home, I eat, then make my way through bunches of e-mails - most of which I am immediately unable to respond to.

Most of these e-mails revolve around Gilda's Club / Gilda's Riders.

Because we got a late start on the event, we're rushing around like crazy. However, we've been successful in securing sponsors, and getting our jerseys in line. Finally, we are seeing fruits of our labor!

Next steps include group rides and attracting more riders and donations. If you are interested at all in making a tax-deductible donation to Gilda's Riders, you can send checks to Gilda's Club Metro Detroit, or you can donate online - just make sure you mention "Gilda's Riders" in the memo fields!

Come September 19, I will be in a position to write about something else.... or will I? Hmmm...

I can't wait to find out!

The Road to Forever

At what point did time start moving so fast? I've neglected this site so badly that my one or two readers are probably off reading something else at this point...

I'll pause a moment for them to come back...

Hmmmm... just a moment more, then I gotta move on with this.

Hello? Okay, well, I guess we're the only ones here now.

So my life these days has been consumed by the bike, Gilda's Club and the job that I really don't like. And because summer nights always get me in a contemplative mood, here I am contemplating things...

I met an amazing woman Saturday - Heidi Adams, the brains behind www.planetcancer.com. Although we have communicated via e-mail on occasion (mostly my saying that she really needed to have my book for sale on her website!), she probably didn't recognize me or my name. Nonetheless, she asked me what I was up to, and I told her about the job and the Gilda's Riders event. Her response - so you're still feeding your soul - nailed where I seem to be right now.

I feel like I am momentarily caught in a job that nurtures mediocrity. And my destiny is far from simple mediocrity - I truly feel that I am destined for greatness... but I need to find that greatness and let it out.

Gilda's Riders is a good step in that direction, and I try to keep that in mind.

Yep. Greatness is within my grasp... I just need to quit flailing about and grab the damn thing!

In the meantime, I'll bide my time, enjoy each day for what it is worth and watch the cosmos for opportunities of brilliance...

Thirty Sleeping Dogs

As the last few hours of my thirties creep by, I can say without regret:

Buh - frickin' - bye!

The years between 30 and 39 have been both amazing and yucky. I put 15,000+ miles on my bike, saw Alaska and Montana and Iowa via two wheels, I met an amazing woman (who moved in with me), and I have met some of the most influential people in my life.

But, I also went through 4 different jobs, lost a couple of the most amazing men in my life and oh yeah, had a bout of cancer.

I'm not going to dwell on all that has been. I am grossly a "glass half full guy", and every day is my future, and I see moments of brilliance and occurrences of something amazing happening every day.

Bring on 40. I'm ready for anything...

And ready to make awesome things happen.

Let sleeping dogs lie and let the thirties go by
I'm not gonna miss them.

Got Ketchup?

Pete Campbell once told me that the greatest compliment anyone could give you was to throw you a surprise birthday party. Although Pete was an idiot, I had to agree.

This weekend, I was given the greatest compliment. For those of you who were there, I cannot thank you enough. I am a very lucky person to have the friends and family I have. My beloved mentor, George Clark, told me over and over again that good attracts good. And if that's true, then I must truly be a good person.

The most beautiful thing that happened for me Saturday night occurred almost immediately after I walked in. I made my way around the room and greeted every person in attendance.

Oh, and the tequila shots didn't suck too much, either! :)

A lot of people get hung up on turning a certain age. In my case, it was 28. I was celebrating my birthday while living in Texas, and I felt like I hadn't lived up to the amazing things that I should have been doing with my life.

Seven years later, I was celebrating my birthday loaded to the gills with chemo.

It's all about perspective. Turning 40 will be a blessing.

My dad died at the age of 48, and my goal ever since then was to see 49. But as long as I have some semblance of health, why not shoot for 80+?

I spent 39 years accomplishing everything I needed to accomplish in life. Now, there are amazing things that I need to accomplish with Sheryl by my side. You just watch... one of these days, Sheryl and I will be on Oprah or something, inspiring others to achieve the great things that are already inside of them.

I can't wait for June 20th and my 40th birthday. I can't wait for my 50th birthday and 60th, too.

Each and every day is chock full of stories and accomplishments, and as fast as time goes by, each year is like a lifetime to me.

I am a lucky man, and am eternally grateful for all of my friends and family - particularly the ones who helped me usher in my 4th decade of life.

God bless and all good things...

Ahhh... a day of complete and absolute rest...

It started by waking up by 9am, going out and sitting on the deck, enjoying the sounds of morning.

Then, all of a sudden, I'm trimming bushes in the front yard, edging and mowing the lawn, and watering the grass! It was 90 frigging degrees outside!

Oy. I need to re-evaluate my days of rest...

Times like these...

I got home from work today, thinking one thought: I'm so glad that I can ride tonight!

My training mileage was upped yesterday to 15 miles per day, 3-4 times per week. Damn, it feels good to push myself again!

And I don't just mean physically. A girl once told me that there's nothing a little VO2 max and Eastern religion can't take care of. She was talking about martial arts, but the same goes for riding. If you ride long enough, you will suffer. Sufferring brings on the fight or flight reactions in your body, which in turn heighten your sense of awareness.

Once you complete the sufferring, your body still hums on that heightened sense of awareness. And although I've been off the bike for 3 hours, that's still where I am.

Life is good.
Life is great.

Thanks, Frankie!

Wow. Today was one of those days when you don't realize all of the greatness going on around you until you look back on it.

We kicked off Gilda's Riders with a lecture by Frankie Andreu. Frankie talked about behind the scenes of the Tour de France. It was quite entertaining. We had pictures taken, and Frankie left with a copy of Cancerboy.

I gotta say, Frankie was a lot of fun, and a terrific person.

Here is a little speech I prepared for tonight:

Hi. My name is Matt Cummings. I am a volunteer and member here at Gilda's Club. I am also a cancer survivor.

Prior to my diagnosis in 2002, I had participated in MS rides and the AIDS vaccine research rides. As a result, I was in the best shape of my life when I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease.

Quite simply, cycling saved my life.

Once I finished my chemotherapy and radiation treatments, I was consumed with the need to give back. And that's how I ended up here at Gilda's Club.

I developed a deep love for this place - a place that helps so many people in the Metro Detroit area.

One of the greatest things about this place - aside from the staff and membership - is all of the programs it provides for free to cancer patients, survivors, their friends and families.

Last November, I was extemely fortunate to meet Frankie Andreu and share my concept of a fundraiser that combines two of my passions - cycling and Gilda's Club.

The fact that Frankie is here tonight to help us launch the fundraiser is not only a testament to the concept, but also to Frankie's character, and his desire to give back to his community as well.

This fundraiser is called "Gilda's Riders", and consists of a team of riders who will train to ride the Big Mac Scenic Fall Tour in September, while committing to raise a minimum of $250 a piece.

I would like for you to consider joining Gilda's Riders - we have information available on the table outside of this room. If you've already decided to join us, we have a sign up sheet out there as well. If nothing else, I hope you will at least consider making a donation to this wonderful place.

With that said, I am extremely honored to introduce an American cycling legend, Frankie Andreu.

We had a couple of people sign up to be on our team, and a bunch of people took information home with them.

I feel like I've been working so hard on this project, and tonight a slight weight has been taken off my shoulders. What's really important to me is that Michael Radner thought tonight was a success. And looking at it from his point of view, it really was.

Part of cancer's devastation is that you can rarely predict it. When those people left Gilda's Club tonight, nearly every one of them walked away with some sort of information pertaining to Gilda's Club.

After all, since we're all on this planet together, we may as well help each other out, eh?

Crazy is just another point of view...

Sometimes life just gets freakishly crazy. For me, that time is right now.

Despite what it may sound like, I am not complaining. I enjoy being busy, as long as I know there will be a chance to relax after the work is done.

These days, "the work" includes getting the house in shape after Sheryl moved in, and preparations for our big Frankie Andreu lecture at Gilda's Club on Wednesday, kicking off the Gilda's Riders fundraiser.

Keeping up with these things while maintaining 2 nights of darts per week and one night of tai chi is pretty difficult. That's the only reason I'm glad that both dart seasons are over for me.

Let me take a step back, though, and talk a bit about Sheryl moving in. Prior to her move, I worked at fixing up the bedroom - it was the only room in the back of my house that hasn't been touched since I moved in back in December 1996. I removed carpeting, replaced a ceiling fan, and painted, painted, painted!

Once she moved in, though, we had to find a place for Sheryl's stuff... combining 2 households into 1 has been interesting. But the nice thing is that both of us realize that our stuff is simply "stuff", and we are finding that we have an attachment to only a few things. Everything else goes in a garage sale!!

While still wading though that "stuff", we have been dedicating a lot of time to "Gilda's Riders". From developing a logo and flyers to discussing sponsorship levels, we have been neck deep in this project. Fortunately, we have had amazing support from some friends and family members, which has taken much of the stress of us, so we can deal with getting our house together.

Nonetheless, things have been extremely stressful. Although I'm nearly 40, I still consider myself pretty young, though, and can handle the stress for now. Once we get past the phrenetic preparations of Frankie's lecture, we'll have a brief moment to breathe before the second wave hits...

It's all good. I love my life and I all but one thing about it right now. That one thing is that I had a second interview with a company that seemed right up my alley last week, but they apparently went with someone else. Really took the wind right outta me.

But... everything happens for a reason, and I know that something amazing awaits me each time I get out of bed.

And I can't wait to find out what it is!!!

Gilda's Riders FAQs, part 1

It's not always easy to fully explain your own concept. Being too close to the issue, it's hard to step back and look at broad issues. As a result, I have invited some people to ask questions about the Gilda's Riders fundraiser for Gilda's Club. Here is part one:

What happens if I am 1/2 way through the ride and can't make it all of the way?

The Big Mac ride - which we wil be doing - has 25, 50, 75 and 100 mile courses. Although it is our goal to train for the 100 mile ride, riding the 100 miles is not required. You can choose to ride a shorter distance. Also, the ride will have a sag wagon available. If you have problems or need help, someone will be by to help you out.

Do all of the funds I raise go directly to Gilda's Club?

Yes, yes, yes! There is a planning committee, and a group of other people, who are working to find Gilda's Riders sponsors - companies that will donate to the cost of the event in return for their logo being placed on our jerseys for advertising purposes. However, as a rider, ALL donations you receive will go directly to Gilda's Club Metro Detroit.

What kind of support will be available for me during the ride? (Water, ambulance, etc.)

The ride course has plenty of water and food stops, and as I mentioned, there are regular drive-bys from sag wagons

Are there any places to take a break for lunch, or to use the bathroom?

Every 10 miles or so, there are break stops, where you can get some food, fluids and relieve yourself as well. In addition, there are plenty of wooded areas if you can't quite hold it...

What happens if it rains? Is there an alternate date?

The event will take place on September 16, rain or shine.

Well, that's all for now! Stay tuned!

Bee Busy

Things will start slowing down a little bit now, and I might be able to post a little more often. I am looking forward to focusing on riding again - especially since the warmer weather seems to have broken here in the midwest...

ATTENTION BICYCLISTS
(AND CYCLING WANNABE’S)!

Gilda’s Club Metro Detroit is now recruiting individuals
in search of an amazing journey!

¨ Do you have something to prove to yourself?
¨ Do you believe that you can be an even greater source of inspiration to someone you love?
¨ Do you want to support Gilda’s Club?
¨ Do you believe in aiming high?

Become a part of something BIG… join Gilda’s Riders!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
With the help of
2-Time Olympian and 9-Time Tour de France rider
(and Lance Armstrong teammate)
Frankie Andreu…
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Our goals are:
¨ to help you train for and ride up to 100 miles in one day

in Mackinaw City, MI in September 2006, and;
¨ to raise at least $2,500 for Gilda’s Club Metro Detroit!

TOGETHER, WE CAN DO IT!!

For more information, please contact:
Michelle Warren Matt Cummings
(248) 577-0800 or (248) 547-8033
mwarren@gildasclubdetroit.org mattc2k3@yahoo.com

Miles to Goal...

Recently, I blogged about how my Hodgkin's diagnosis altered my ability to set goals. I said that I haven't figured out how to regain my goal-focus.

Well, things have improved dramatically.

They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. I've recently realized that my lack of goal setting was a problem, and it hindered any attempts I made at achieving the great things that I've been put on this planet to do.

So I started training in the morning before I went to work, riding 10 miles prior to eating breakfast and taking a shower. Riding has always helped clear my head, but it wasn't solely the riding that helped me out this time.

When I get into the shower, I repeat my daily affirmations over and over. Then, on my way into work, I shut off the car radio and really come to terms about myself, my life and my future. It has been the best silence ever.

I finally came to understand that I am a helper by nature. I don't require riches or toys. I don't require fame or the spotlight. However, I am willing to take on all of those things if it will help someone or something else.

Unknowingly, Sheryl has helped me understand a lot more about myself than I expected. Her love and support gives me a safety net. She's always behind me, rooting me on, and seeing as that I've never allowed anyone to do that for me before, I'm realizing what I've missed out on.

A few weeks ago, I sat down and forced myself to envision a future. My experience with cancer made me realize that today may be our last, and that is how I lived my life for nearly four years. This was my downfall.

Although it is incredibly important to realize that life is precious, and that each breath could be our last, we still need to plan for the future.

For me, my future is now paved with goals, and I feel like a complete person again. I am hungry and ambitious. I am extremely happy and gratious.

I can't wait to see how much more amazing my life will be!

The Pressure (in the tires) Is On!

The other day, I was telling Sheryl that I can't wait to blog about important stuff, rather than blogging about personal updates. Well, guess what?? Important stuff rears its head!

Yesterday, I sent out an e-mail, discussing the bike ride fundraiser I'm doing for Gilda's Club. The meat and potatoes:

####################
Each September, there is a ride that occurs in Mackinaw City, called the "Big Mac". A person can ride 25, 50, 75 or 100 miles during this one-day bike tour.

I had the idea that we could get a team of people together and train to accomplish the 100 mile route. In addition, we could get each person to raise a minimum of $250. Occasionally, riders might answer questionnaires and perhaps even document their journey in a notebook. They might even be interviewed.

All of this documentation would be put together into a book, which could also be sold to generate additional funds for Gilda's Club.

To motivate us, I thought it would be cool to have a local cycling celebrity come do a presentation at Gilda's Club. Well, not only did 2-time Olympian and 9-time Tour de France rider (not to mention long-time teammate of Lance Armstrong and OLN commentator) Frankie Andreu agree to this, but he also offerred to develop training plans to help us achieve our goal, PLUS, he agreed to do a training ride with us as well!

This event has suddenly become a series of exciting possibilities for Gilda's Club, and although it's still early, I have a goal for this event to raise $7,000 - not including the proceeds from the book.

Here is where I am in great need of help. I am seeking riders, donors and sponsors.

Riders - join my team and challenge yourself to train and ride 100 miles (the cycling equivalent of a marathon) in Mackinaw City in September 2006. Each rider will be required to raise a minimum of $250.

Donors - Gilda's Club is a non-profit organization. Donations are tax-deductible. Personally, I am seeking to raise $1,500, so a donation of any amount would be appreciated and put to great use at the clubhouse.

Sponsors - the team of riders will be dealing with transportation issues, to and from Mackinaw City, as well as bike supplies and Mackinaw City accommodations. We are looking for companies willing to sponsor us to help offset those costs. Each sponsor will have their logo printed on our team jersey, which will be worn during training rides, and at the Big Mac ride itself.

I am also on the lookout for a handful of planning committee members. Lord knows I can use more input!

If you - and/or anyone you know - are interested in knowing more about any of these opportunities, please please PLEASE contact me and let me know. I would be happy to provide further details. Heck, I'll bring you to Gilda's Club and show you what a wonderful place it is, and why it's worth participating in this event!
##################

I never know who is reading my blog, so I wanted to put the info out here and see what sort of response I get. I am really excited to take this journey and see where it ends up. The money will help keep Gilda's Club providing much needed support for people who are experiencing cancer - either their own or a loved one's.

Well, that's about it for now... blog ya later!

Whirlwind, whirl!

I've got to admit... right now, my life is amazing. Crazy. Crazily amazing.

Prior to being treated for Hodgkin's Disease, I was goal-oriented and successful. I had recognized that my career was starting to go nowhere, and thought I'd head off into a new direction - in occupational therapy. Well, the universe had other plans for me. I got sick and although I survived, my life was turned upside down.

I wanted to do everything, and not miss a single opportunity. I wanted to have fun for the rest of my life... and that's exactly where I headed. Jobless, I met an amazing girl, but wasn't able to give her the things I wanted to give her. Heck, I couldn't even afford flowers.

Then I got that five-week job, and getting laid off from there REALLY sucked the wind out of me. I completely lost any focus I thought I had... and ambition? That could have been a four-letter word for all I knew!

So here I am, a changed man.

I came to understand everything I was doing wrong. I learned that I was goal-less and unfocused. I had forgotten it all.

But not anymore.

So what's so different these days? Well, to start, I've got this job that has forced me to look at what I REALLY wanted from a job. And I started to focus. I started making goals. I started to change the defeatist thoughts I had.

And positive things have already come about. I had an interview last week for a job right up my alley. This week, I'm supposed to have a second interview with the company.

I am getting things underway for the big bike ride fundraiser for Gilda's Club in September. I am gathering together a few folks who can help make this happen - and it's very exciting!

So, despite being incommunicado for a while, things are going really well. I am so excited about how things are going now, and am really looking forward to see how things pan out in the future. I realize why I am on this planet, and I am constantly looking for opportunities to accomplish my purpose.

Wow, that sounded cult-ish!

Anyhow, with so much going on, I may not be blogging very regularly... but keep checking, I'll be blogging as often as I can!

If you've got any thoughts, or a desire to help me make this Gilda's Club fundraiser amazing, or just wanna say hi, drop me a line: mattc2k3@yahoo.com

Ciao for now!

Oodles O' Fun

Hey gang, thanks for checking in! It's been forever since I blogged, and unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time to catch up right now.

Lots of amazing things have been happening! I'll keep you posted as soon as I get some time! :)

Much love, much peace!

Cancerboy as survivor

I've been noodling around with an idea for a sequel to "Cancerboy". It talks about what happens after I survived cancer.

I'm curious to see how many other people were affected by cancer survivorship like I am.

See, when you achieve the title of "survivor", life is amazing. You realize that you can do anything... and you can do everything. And you don't have to do anything you don't want to.

Cancer rewrote the rules of life for me. I lost my career drive and lost the understanding for needing and achieving goals. I found myself waiting to pounce on the next great experience - the next thing that would define my reason for being on this planet - without ever achieving anything.

This month, I honor the 4th anniversary of my Hodgkin's diagnosis. My life is nothing like it was four years ago - and definitely for the better. But there are those nagging thoughts about why I can't seem to develop and shoot for goals - I was always a goal-oriented person.

The world isn't yet fully aware of the needs of cancer survivors - and I don't know what specifically is needed.

All I know is that I love and adore my life so much more now than I did pre-Hodgkin's. There are significant parts of my life that are extremely more fulfilling than ever before - particularly my love life. But there are other parts of my life that are lacking more than ever - particularly my career. And I wonder why. Is it normal?

I don't know. I think perhaps I need to keep noodling.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

My mother is a saint. Not only that, but she taught my brothers and I some of the most important things in life. In my mind, respect is probably the top of that list.

This week, I was doing some reading... trying to understand my role on this planet a little more fully. As a result, by Friday, I felt like I had a pretty good grasp on things... and then it happened...

Despite working towards getting past my ego, I found myself feeling disrespected by a co-worker. I got angry. Pissed. But then I realized that I was the only one who was hurt by this. I was able to let it go.

Temporarily, it seems.

At darts that night, a guy on the other team started the whole disrespect thing, too. This time, it wasn't only against me, but also against some of my teammates.

And I realized that no matter how hard I work at getting past things like these, there are always assholes in the world - people who may care so little about themselves that they feel the need to impose their misery upon the rest of us.

Although this may come off like I'm whining, the purpose of this post goes beyond my stories. I just want to remind people how much better the world is - how much more fun life is - if we all treat each other with a little respect. Remember the golden rule? We're so much better than we give ourselves credit for. Let's start living that way, eh?

Peace and love, kids!

The Tide is Turning, Sylvester...

Well, it certainly seems like my life continues to change. With this job I'm at, I am constantly changing locations and hours. The days are getting longer, and there's that itchy feeling that spring is right around the corner.

I feel like things around me are refusing to stand still... that I can't plant my feet firmly on the ground. And that tells me that my life is in the middle of evolution.

I can't say that I'm comfortable with that feeling, but I do feel a sense of reuniting with an old friend - change.

See, with the struggles I've had over the past year or two... or should I say LIFE or two... I feel that the building blocks of my life we being broken down... only to be rebuilt - better, faster, stronger.

Nearly every day, I feel happy and sad. I feel strong and weak. And nearly every day, I feel that I'm on the brink of some brilliance, and I'm one step further away from the rut I was in for so long...