Who to Blame?

Just looking at things, it seems pretty safe to say that we're f***ed.

I understand that the American way of life needs to readjust itself, and readjustment is painful. It's like a piece of chewing gum that you blow into a bubble. Quality of life, like the bubble, gets bigger, and bigger until it pops. Then what do you do?

You chew the gum to get the proper consistency to blow another bubble.

Hopefully, whoever is chewing this piece of bubble gum doesn't get tired of the taste and spits it out!

So we bail out Wall Street, but no bailout for the auto industry. Unfortunately for me, I have opinions about this, and unfortunately for my wife, she's gotta hear me spout off on them.

First of all, I am not a fan of the auto companies. I was employed by GM for nearly 4 years, and saw first-hand the elitist snob attitudes that are created and nurtured there. I felt since day one that the company needed to be brought down a peg or two, and took some perverted enjoyment out of seeing Rick Wagoner groveling at the hands of the senate.

Today we wonder where our kids got the attitude of entitlement, and looking back on my time at GM, I saw where it started. The UAW, too, needs to take responsibility, but again, somewhere, we have lost the concept of taking responsibility.

So this morning, we have a lot of self-indulging victims whining that there is no Washington bailout for some of the largest companies in America. I totally see why congress would do this, and why America is so split on this. The auto companies and the UAW made their beds, and they need to sleep in them.

Rick Wagoner spent too much time bilking Americans with his higher margin of earnings trucks and SUVs and not enough time envisioning, developing, and planning for the future.

Now, I often suck at planning for the future. Is that a fault? Yeah, sometimes, but then again, Rick Wagoner is the CEO of the formerly largest company in the world. Is it a fault for him to not plan for the future? HELL YES IT IS.

I can only talk about GM, because I have seen it in action. I have also seen the UAW in action. Everybody here in Michigan knows someone who abused their safety in the union. The union used to be a great thing, but those people - the abusers of the system - have made it a farce.

But again, the UAW found a way to work within the system. The Big 3 had systems that made it easy to abuse.

It seems that the world now needs to readjust. There is a lot of change that needs to happen, and change can be plain ugly.

I can see why congress would vote down the bailout of the auto companies. The thing is, I don't know if they properly thought out the outcome of their decision. It seems that this issue dealt more with emotions instead of cold, hard facts.

Failure of one or more auto companies will put a lot more people out of work. Our social services, such as unemployment insurance is already being pushed to its max. I think there was a middle ground that could have been met, but there were too many people with too much power flexing their muscles and butting heads.

Failure of one or more auto companies will be devastating to our country. Michigan has been in this recession longer than many of our states. In theory, then, it will help us start the move out of recession earlier.

We need to encourage people to think outside the box. Give our dreamers a chance to make it big. We are going to have to rely on visionaries and revisionaries.

It is possible that America will come out of this no longer as the number one country in the world, and we are going to have to prepare for that.

So who is to blame for this? I can't tell you how much I'd love to blame President Bush. However, I think it just might be the natural ebb and flow of economics.

I do think, however, that someone could have helped make this crash a little softer. But I can't blame anyone, unfortunately, because I hadn't given it enough future thought...

Eras

When I was diagnosed with cancer in 2002, I never wondered "Why me?" until my treatments were over. My doctor suggested that I give back to the community, planting the seed of "the obligation of the cured". As such, I started volunteering at Gilda's Club.

Gilda's Club saved my life in many, many ways. It gave me a positive environment to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. It gave me an opportunity to explore projects on a large scale focusing on helping others. It introduced me to many angels in disguise - including my wife.

When I was out of work for nearly two years, Gilda's Club inspired hope in me, even when things were bleak.

For six years (today), I have given thanks for surviving Hodgkin's disease by being of service to my cancer brethren at Gilda's.

Today I submitted my resignation as a member of Gilda's Member Advisory Committee, which was my last official link to Gilda's Club. Sure, I have personal relationships with members, but no official affiliation anymore, and I find it very sad...

...but necessary.

I needed to be a volunteer and member at Gilda's. There were things I needed to do and learn. And people to meet - and in one case, marry.

But by making this decision to resign from the committee, I am - in a sense - taking back my life.

I will always be a cancer survivor. I will always have a passion for cancer issues - particularly survivor healthcare issues.

But I had to step out from under that umbrella. I owe it to myself, my wife and family.

Although I am very sad to be stepping away from Gilda's Club, I am happy to focus on my future - in many cases, using the tools that I learned to use while in service to Gilda's Club.

The Sink

In this life, there are times when things are so incredibly in sync, that you feel like the world turns just for you.

Sometimes, the exact opposite happens.

Sheryl and I joined the YMCA last month, and we've been very good, going to workout regularly. Late last week, I felt everything start to go South. I had over-trained, and refused to stop. I paid the price... I've felt like a crash test dummy for two days.

Of course, this doesn't help the beautiful symphony of marriage. The entire horn section has been out of tune, and I'm the blowhard.

Getting past this is simple - as long as you realize that it is only temporary.

So tonight we went to see Jill Jack and Billy Brandt at a "Comfy Couch Concert". Held at a furniture company, the audience was invited to sit on couches, chairs and beds, and make themselves comfy. It was a great concept, it was great seeing Jill, and it was great seeing my wife enjoy herself.

During the second half of the show, I found my mind wander. Part of the show's appeal was that Jill and Billy talked about the origins of some of their songs. I began to feel that the performers and audience were closing in on the same vibe - a warehouse-wide syncing of the universe. It was a beautiful feeling.

It helped me realize that although we may occasionally fall out of sync with our lives, we can - if we pay attention - be reminded that there is a universal vibe that we can all tune into.

I hope tomorrow brings me back in sync with my life and wife, but until then, I know it will come sooner or later, and when it does, I need to take complete advantage of it.

At what point does one cease re-charging batteries and start becoming selfish?

In order to affect the world around us, we need to have the energy to give. When you burn out - or have no remaining energy stores, it's obvious that you need to re-fuel.

But where is the "full" line?

I constantly struggle with this question.

Have I moved on to other things, or am I just being selfish?

And if I'm just being selfish, how long can I get away with it before becoming a mockery of all the good I have accomplished?

Ugh... so few answers to so many questions.

There's one fool-proof cure - a good, old-fashioned nap!

Wake me in an hour.

"I'd Love to Change the World...

... but I don't know what to do."

Or so sang Alvin Lee.

Yesterday marked the six year anniversary of my last cancer treatment - and I never realized it until I received an e-mail from my cousin in Florida. Strange.

At that moment, I felt a karmic swing. I had had a rough day at work, and wasn't very happy. But suddenly, at 10pm, I found myself looking back on the day's events, realizing how everything fell into place.

It was a great feeling, and as I went to bed and said my prayers, I could only hope that today would bring the same vision of karma at work.

It didn't start off that way... I woke up at 3:30am, and couldn't get back to sleep. So I got up and got ready for work.

Because it was so early, I had a little time to kill. So I turned on my favorite Canadian TV show, and caught a segment featuring Dr. Julio Montaner - President of the International AIDS Society.

The Q&A was naturally thought-provoking, and much of what Dr. Montaner said hit me hard.

He said that if the leaders of the G8 countries focused on HIV/AIDS, then 90% of the WORLD'S infection could be controlled. He said that the drugs we have available (or capable of) today can eliminate much of the scourge now, and in the future.

He said that most people are looking for the magic cure, but he doesn't believe we need one, since through vaccines and therapies and knowledge, we can control HIV/AIDS.

HOW FUCKING POWERFUL IS THAT?!?!

And so I started thinking back to 1999, 2000, and 2001... and my bike rides, and raising $9,000 for AIDS vaccine research, and actually allowed myself to wonder...

Could one man change the world?

Like they say, the fluttering of a butterfly's wings could cause a hurricane.

With many single people affecting change in their own way, the world CAN change. Unfortunately, most of the decision-makers have too many decisions to make.

Why not take some of those decisions out of their hands, and uncork that bottleneck?

Sheryl and I contribute much time, money and effort to the cancer cause these days. Sometimes, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and even get selfish because we recognize that we will never get that time back to ourselves.

But sometimes, it's amazing to see practice work. To see effort prevail. To see hope conquer fear.

I'd love to change the world, and I sure as hell don't know what to do...

But I'm going to do something.

No, check that...

I'm COMPELLED to do something...

Strangely Coherent

Did you ever have one of those days when you felt like you had a lot to say, but every time you opened your mouth, nothing came out?

Yeah, me neither.

However, I do feel like I've got something to say, but yet, a cohesive thought eludes me.

So I suppose I'll sit here and ponder... think about everything and nothing in general.

Hopefully, as a result, I will find a way to cure the ills of society.

I'll keep you posted.

Cycling 2008-2009

In this years' Tour de France, we saw more people caught doping. I commented about it at the time, so I won't bother rehashing that.

Or will I?

Recently, the drug testing peeps have done more testing on the samples taken during the Tour de France in July. Guess what they found?

Two more dopers.

Now, I wouldn't bother giving these bastards any of my time, but here's the thing:

Stefan Schumacher won two time trial stages.

Bernard Kohl won third place overall and the king of the mountains jersey.

These cheaters were roommates at the Tour. They were racing for a German team (Gerolsteiner) that was looking for a new sponsor.

In cycling, the best way to garner interest from potential sponsors is to have good results. For example, the American team Slipstream-Chipotle won a number of races throughout the year, and named a new major sponsor (Garmin) just prior to the Tour de France. They are now known as Garmin-Chipotle.

So the question comes up - why did these guys cheat?

1) To demand a higher contract from a potential new team?

2) To garner support for a new sponsor?

3) To taste victory?

I dunno. There's a stank in cycling and I feel that somehow the way the sport is set up with sponsors, etc., spells failure by nature.

It's like the economy. There is something innately wrong, and who knows how to fix it?

Well, believe it or not, cycling does have hope.

More and more teams are instituting drug testing programs. Hopefully they are testing in order to find out who is cheating as opposed to testing to see what drugs won't be found!

Anyhow, Lance Armstrong is coming back to the peloton as well. In order to bring awareness to the fight against cancer, Lance has stated that he will race in the Tour de France. And folks, he's in it to win it.

Lance will be joining the Astana team, whose current leader, Alberto Contador, has won the Tour de France, Giro d'Italia and the Vuelta a Espana - cycling's golden trio.

Naturally, Contador is like, "Hey, screw that, I want to race to win the Tour de France, and will do whatever I can to make sure that happens (including going to another team)!"

Uncharacteristically, Lance apparently gave this some thought, and decided to race the Giro d'Italia, and possibly pass up the Tour.

Silly you say?

No. It makes sense. In 2009, the Giro will be celebrating 100 years. There will be a ton of press, and Lance will be able to get his word out about fighting cancer. Do you think that would happen at the Tour? No way - Lance would be too busy fending off doping questions, and it would take away from his real mission.

Plus, it will allow the Astana team an opportunity to win both races...

It will be interesting to see what next year brings to the cycling world. Hopefully we can get people racing clean. It's such a drag rooting for some underdog only to find out that this rags to riches story succumbed to the pressure to cheat.

Vent

I know it's been a while since I posted. I've again been waiting for a spark - the ethereal hand of creative knowledge.

Well, it's still not here.

However, this morning, I am harboring a lot of anger and despair. I've probably been watching too much media, but I am really frustrated with what is going on in the world right now.

How in the hell did we get to where we are?

I am currently reading a book called "World War Z" - a collection of first-hand accounts regarding the zombie war. It's a fascinating book in the way it incorporates current world events with the outbreak of the zombie virus.

And even though the book sort of pokes fun at the media, I am riled by it. I mean, in the book, they talk about a decisive battle where the journalists are implanted in the troops, and the armed forces put on a display, much like the "shock and awe" done in Iraq. But in the book, the zombies aren't defeated. So instead of the media being given a dog and pony show on the strength and power of our armed forces, whatever is left of the media shows the horror and despair of a full-blown zombie invasion.

And once again, I have to get on my high horse about our media. We love to tear down celebrities and laugh at their occasional idiocy. Has this become today's "Kill Your Idols" from the punk revolution?

And as a result, we have become accustomed to - and thirsty for - bad, ugly news reporting.

I mean, really, how does all of this relate to me?

I remember as a kid the first time I watched the 11:00 news. I was by myself, it was dark outside, AND THE NEWS SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME!

And guess what?

THE NEWS STILL SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME!!

Am I the only person who thinks this? Why don't we demand better news reporting? Why don't we demand a 50% ratio of good news vs. bad news?

Why does anything that promotes goodness have to be religion-based?

Why can't we just believe in the goodness of people? Why can't we keep our hands to ourselves? Why must we feed off the foibles of others?

Isn't that just pathetic that we can't seem to establish our own lives - our own excitement?

Then again, do we actually do anything besides sit in our own bomb shelters playing Nintendo, PS3 or watching the idiot box?

Is it truly more enjoyable to be a pseudo-rock star or guitar hero than being a real-life hero to someone in our community?

Shit... I wish I knew what it took to carry the torch of decency. The torch of self-worth. The torch of responsibility. The torch of earning a living rather than expecting someone to give it to us.

We're so frigging pathetic I can hardly stand it.

And still, I can't help but think that there are enough people out there who believe in themselves - ourselves. I can't help but have deep-seeded hope and faith in humanity. Something's gotta change in this world - and unfortunately, most change comes from dire circumstances.

Aren't things dire enough?

Who's going to stand up and hold the torch?

Got Change?

For me, fall exemplifies change. In the past, I would go overboard with change, and spin my world so fast that I couldn't see straight for weeks.

This year seems a little different, though. It seems like the world itself is changing and spinning, and I am standing still. I don't know how much I like that.

The Detroit Lions made a change shortly after my last post. They fired Matt Millen, which was a welcome change.

My hip/back seems to hurt less and less, and that is a welcome change.

Sheryl has changed her work schedule, and that will be good, too.

I am not playing darts this season, and that is a huge change for me. I've been playing since September of 2001. This is the first time I'm not.

According to the media and President Bush, the sky is falling. Although this isn't a big change - especially for Bush's regime, change will be required to get the US back on track. Whoever moves into the White House is going to have to fumigate that bad boy - I have visions of that place being so messed up, their going to have to do serious renovations to it!

Big change, strange change, change for a dollar... we've all got change on our horizon. Sometimes, a matter of perspective changes the way THAT looks, too.

People don't like change, in general. It takes us out of our comfort zone. The only thing, they say, that stays the same is change.

The sooner we embrace it, the more welcoming it becomes.

I've been working on it for 42 years, and I still find it difficult.

Lion To Myself (Like Being Stood Up At the Prom)

Dang, I'm bitter.

I am like an elderly person who unknowingly got ripped off by a fake policeman selling tickets to a fake ball.

I am like the poor sap stood up at the senior prom.

I am like the angry ex who posts naked pictures of his former girlfriend on the internet (it really happens, you know!).

Yep, I'm bitter.

I was one of a few poor saps who bought into the 2008 Detroit Lions hype. I happily enjoyed their dismantling of opponents in the pre-season, and believed in NOW, just as they asked me to.

I considered purchasing season tickets, but thankfully couldn't allow myself to pull the trigger. It just seemed like a bit too much money.

Now I realize that an angel was watching over me.

After three incredibly pathetic games, I've given up.

Alright, that's not exactly true. I gave up after TWO incredibly pathetic games.

There is a cancer in the Lions organization, and I am starting to believe that it comes from the top. It's a serious shame, because the city of Detroit needs something to build on.

Fortunately, we are less than a month away from the Red Wings opening their season.

If it sounds like I'm a wagon jumper, I don't care - As long as they continue embarrassing the city, I will not sink any of my hard-earned money into the Lions organization. I will not sink any of my heard-earned trust into the Lions organization. I will, however, continue to hope that they can turn things around, but I am not counting on it.

I love watching the game of football. I love playing fantasy football. I love rooting for my teams. Now I need to find a new team.

Man, I am bitter.

September 18, 2008
Nine years, Duane, and I still miss you like hell!

The Great Gig in the Sky

For the last few days, I've been trying to come up with a topic to blog about. There is nothing worse than trying to force yourself into writing something when you don't have a topic. So I decided to wait for the topic to find me.

Unfortunately, it has.

I have blogged about what an inspiration Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. was for me (April 12, 2007). And all of my friends know what else has inspired me: The music of Pink Floyd.

When I was a young 'un, I remember going to my Uncle's house, and listening to his records while the adults visited with each other. One of the most fascinating albums I enjoyed listening to was "Wish You Were Here", by Pink Floyd.

I remember thinking how cool the music was, and stared at the awesome graphics on the album cover and sleeve.

In high school, I got more and more into Pink Floyd. For my 14th birthday, I received a copy of "The Wall", and played it to death. Later, I found how much I enjoyed the entire "Dark Side of the Moon", and "The Final Cut".

It was such a joy to obtain and listen to Pink Floyd music, and I quickly acquired all of their albums.

During my college years, I constantly listened to old Pink Floyd while lying in bed, pondering my life and my future.

I had a chance to see Pink Floyd when they toured in 1986, 1988 and 1994. I had become a serious Pink Floyd freak, even getting a tattoo of "The Division Bell" album cover art.

So I was shocked and saddened when I learned that keyboardist Richard Wright died yesterday. At the age of 65, he apparently died of cancer. Because Rick was so private, his family didn't want to release any additional information.

What I had loved about Pink Floyd was David Gilmour's guitar playing and singing, Roger Waters' lyrics and vocal effects, Nick Mason's synchopation on drums, and the galaxy-opening sounds of Rick Wright's keyboards.

I laughed my ass off the first time I saw the video for "Live at Pompeii". During the song "Saucerful of Secrets", seeing Rick smashing at the piano keys with his whole hand - and elbows! But I came to love that about Rick and Pink Floyd... they always pushed musical limits, much like Frank Zappa did. And Rick's elbow playing actually worked within the context of the song!

"Live at Pompeii" opens and closes with the song "Echoes", and I was floored watching Rick and Dave singing in harmony, taking me away to labyrinths of coral caves, glancing at strangers on the street.

The Pink Floyd song that is most likely to move me to tears (and has on more than one occasion) is the Wright-penned "Great Gig in the Sky" from "Dark Side of the Moon". Rick's keyboards combine with Clare Torry's voice to make the soundtrack to the process of dying. My soul aches with pleasure every time I hear it.

Pink Floyd helped me realize that I wanted to leave a legacy when I died. I have writings that can be published posthumously, and I have tried to become a virus, infecting peoples' lives along the way. Richard Wright's legacy lies with his family, but it also lies on vinyl, on CD and in MP3s.

I will miss Richard Wright, and I will never be able to thank him for all of the inspiration he has given me.

Rest in Peace, Rick.

I was logged on to LinkedIn this morning, and thought about joining a cancer survivorship group. So I did a search, using the word "cancer", and was presented with 17 pages of results.

As I was looking at the cancer groups, I realized how many people out there are making an effort to eradicate cancer.

As a survivor, I feel a burden to help rid the world of this curse. It is a personal crusade to be involved in the cancer world and to help people in some way. It is MY world. It is MY view.

But I realized that a whole lot of people feel that way, too.

It's strange to find during your personal war with dragons and other-worldly scourges, that there are other armies fighting the same battles. It's very encouraging.

Yet, at the same time, I find myself feeling that none of them have had my experiences - with cancer or life. And rather than celebrate those differences, I find myself feeling that I should keep fighting my fight alone.

It makes no sense at all, but maybe there is a bigger reason why I feel this way.

I'll have to think about that.

Dirty Diamonds

Before I rave about seeing Alice Cooper at the Michigan State Fair, I want to say that I think Neil Diamond is cooler than hell.

In Detroit, we talk about the Red Wings being a classy organization. Of course, there's not much else classy in Detroit...

Hello Kwame Kilpatrick.

Hello Monica Conyers.

Sorry, I digress.

Neil Diamond had laryngitis, and decided to perform a show in Ohio anyway. Who would care? Rock groups have put on crappy shows for years... Ever see Aerosmith when the toxic twins were in their glory? How about Guns n Roses?

So Neil puts on a crappy show, and apparently, he felt bad about it, and offered his fans their money back!! How's THAT for class?! I gotta tell you, I have a lot of respect for the guy - especially after doing something like that!

Now many of us think that if someone performs at a State Fair, they are desperate for cash and/or washed up. I felt the same way year after year, when I heard Alice Cooper was coming to perform.

Probably because of this assumption, I never went to see Alice until last year. While at that show, I realized that I couldn't have been more wrong, and immediately recruited friends to join me this year and see what they've been missing.

So last night, we paid for our $60 tickets - NOT! We paid $10 (plus $7 for parking) for "main floor" type seats, and proceeded to get our heads ripped off!

I will repeat what I said last year - how could it have taken me so long to see Alice Cooper???! The show was amazing! It was everything I had ever heard about his shows growing up, and at 60 years old, he still performs like a madman!

One thing that stuck out to me was the sound. The drums and guitars sounded incredibly full, leaving us nothing for want. And then there was Alice's voice... cripes! He sang phenomenally!

We are finding out that as many rock singers age, they cannot reach many of the notes they used to (see Robert Plant). Yeah, this curse affected Alice, too... but only once (during "Poison") did I notice.

And I gotta say... the opening to Alice's show is one of the coolest openings to a concert that I've seen.

A troubled man for troubled times. Our homegrown boy thrilled and chilled once again. I am ecstatic that I've finally come to my senses and saw Alice Cooper... at the State Fair.

Has America become SO shallow and lazy that we do not expect anyone to take responsibility for anything?

Hello Kwame Kilpatrick.

Why do we let presidential hopefuls get away with telling us what they think the other guy did wrong? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY! Tell me what YOU did RIGHT! What are your goals and dreams?

Hello Barack Obama.

Hello John McCain.

Really, I do enjoy living in America. But how have we come to blame everyone else for our problems? Whatever happened to George Washington chopping down the cherry tree? Whatever happened to the golden rule?

And just as importantly, why do I feel so helpless to change things?

Can I Change My Mind?

Okay, in the words of Howard Kaylan, I know when I'm licked - all over.

I have to revisit some comments I made in an earlier post about American art.

Sheryl and I went to the Detroit Institute of Arts this weekend and I ran through some of the galleries, including the American art galleries. Prior to this visit, I recall American art being paintings of men in wigs - the new world hoity-toity - and indians. And frankly, this is the stuff that bores me.

However, these images were merely a few of the many pieces of American art displayed in the museum. There were many more that splashed color, busting from the canvas and displayed American ideals that I've forgotten about.

I feel like I have an American hangover. With the elections coming up, with the war in Iraq, with McDonald's spreading like a scourge on humanity, I have forgotten the rich history of this country.

I love European history. I feel like it's so strange and magical. Italy, Germany, Greece - they all fascinate me.

Yes, America is 1,000 years younger than Europe, but the fact is, we have some 230+ years of documented history, and knowledge of stuff before that.

If we look at places like Savannah and St. Augustine, we can learn our history. We can see that America is so much more than Best Buy, Kid Rock, Usher and Mariah Carey. If we take some time to breathe in our historical landmarks, we can see why immigrants came here to make life better for their families.

So I sit corrected. American art - paintings, writings and such - isn't all dull. For me, it still doesn't hold the magic that European art does, but it made me look twice, and re-evaluate my stand.

And ironically, during my American art sucks soapbox, I hadn't paid attention that I was dissing one of the most influential writers in my life - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

There it is then.

(picture above: "Street Performers" by Hughie-Lee Smith)

Like A Fuse

Sammie took off one night
In her beet purple beat down jeep
Beatles tunes repeating
Feeling deep in her seat

She told me one night
Fueled by tequila and chartreuse
It was all a ruse and no use
She was lit like a fuse, the booze

Between tears and cheers
Beers
She switched gears
Telling me she'd take off one night

And there she was,
Screaming to the world:
Sing me a song, let your heart cry out
Touch me, make me feel full of grace

I wonder when she realized
The compromise
That symbolized our ties
The lies

Sammie disappeared
Her words cutting through the night
Such a fight
Uptight, she drove out of sight

And there she was,
Screaming to the world:
Sing me a song, let your heart cry out
Touch me, make me feel full of grace

Movies, movies everywhere!

Sheryl and I rarely go to see movies, especially together. I'm more into "Iron Man", and she's more into "Sex and the City". She's a little bit country and I'm a little bit rock and roll...

Together, we've seen, like three movies at the theater, which averages to about one per year. In fact, I think the last one we saw was the third Bourne movie, which we saw last summer!

That was until recently, however.

Last November, we attended the Detroit Institute of Arts' (DIA) grand re-opening. While there, we became members. So earlier this summer, we received a pamphlet in the mail telling us what events were upcoming at the DIA.

Within the DIA is the Detroit Film Theater (DFT - pay attention, there will be a test at the end of this blog!), which seemed to have quite an interesting array of quirky films being shown throughout the season.

Sheryl wanted to see a few of the films, and I was interested in checking them out, too. I went online and purchased tickets.

So here we are in the month of August, and we have already seen two of the movies ("Jellyfish" and "Encounters at the End of the World"), with another two coming this week ("Rebirth of a Nation" and "Up the Yangtze"). We are like a walking Sundance Channel!

Oh yeah, and next week we've got the Children's Leukemia Foundation moviethon!

Good thing I'm going to physical therapy, or I'd have no time for exercise! LOL

Now, I don't know about Sheryl, but I love seeing these eclectic films - they open up my eyes and mind to more going on in the world besides our lives.

You know, sometimes we all get stuck in our little boxes and forget to venture out. This membership to the DIA has been a good thing. We still want to see the Sacred Places exhibit, and I am debating about joining an auxiliary. It would be really, really cool to get inside info on some art and the DIA, but man, sometimes the detail these people want to get into just sucks the life out of me! So I'm still debating about that.

I can definitely burn out on movies... but not so much on art... yet...

Me? Old? HAH!

Question: When is the best time to laugh about getting old?

There are two answers.

1) Always

2) See #1, particularly when your oncologist teases you about getting old.

For the last year or two or three, I've been struggling with my body. I never knew whether I was experiencing a certain pain or bump or bruise as a result of long term chemo/radiation side effects, or getting older.

I was a victim of this country's wonderful health care institution: insurance. I lost my job, and couldn't keep up with COBRA payments. Knowing full well that I'd have to deal with the pre-existing condition bullcrap, I just couldn't keep up my insurance and let it lapse.

As a result, years went by since I saw my oncologist. I passed the magical five-year mark without getting my graduation certificate - if you know what I mean.

So finally, this year, I decided it was time to close that chapter once and for all. I saw my oncologist - who naturally yelled at me for not following up properly - and being the thorough doc that he is, he sent me to a neurologist for my hip - just to make sure that it wasn't chemo related.

Sure enough, after my tests, it was determined that my hip problem is related to a couple of herniated discs in my lower back.

So I returned to my oncologist armed with this information, and he started to dance - "I knew it!" He exclaimed animatedly. "You are getting old, Matt!"

And we laughed.

He said he was happy because he wasn't the only one getting old, and I told him that with the history we have between us, I am very happy to be getting old!

His face got serious for a moment, and he said pointedly: "Well said." He took a moment and reiterated: "Well said..."

I still have to get a CT scan to get this wrapped up and put a bow on it. In three months, this will all be over. I already have my peace of mind, but I an still waiting for my diploma - the handshake and the tassle that tells me that I am getting old.

Thank God!!

Age is such a depressing thing for so many people. For me, I recognize that yeah, it's gonna wreak havoc on my body, but shit, that ain't nothing that I haven't already gone through! We should welcome age and the wisdom that comes along with it, not treat it like it's a bad thing.

After all, it's better than the alternative!

A Memory is a Terrible Thing to Taste...

Memories are terribly important to us. They are the basis for stories, folklore and rumors. They can also cause crazy emotions such as sadness, happiness, anger and ecstacy.

I have spent a lot of time this summer talking about summers past. I have truly missed them. My favorite summer memories that have popped up this year are the summers when I was a leetle boy, and hung out with my mom's Uncle Phil.

My mom, Grandma and I would go to see Uncle Phil and Auntie Aggie, and Uncle Phil and I would head out to the garage to let the wimmin's talk. He was the coolest, because he was the oldest guy I knew who would treat me like a person and not as a kid.

In the garage, Uncle Phil always seemed to have some building materials laying around. He would let me build the crappiest things in the world - although my imagination turned them into birds, planes, cars, etc. When we got done building stuff, we would head down the street to the park and play.

This entire summer, the weather has reminded me of those unemcumbered days shooting the bull with my buddy Phil. Those memories have given me such pain and longing in my heart that I haven't known what to do with it.

I was talking to my mom yesterday, and realized that maybe I just needed to embrace those memories, and acknowledge them. Maybe I need to say a few silent prayers to Uncle Phil, who died long ago. Maybe these memories are his way of contacting me to say: "hey, my brother, don't forget me!"

Maybe these are also memories that need to be documented for posterity.

Memories can be a bitch, man, but if we can figure out the proper use for them, perhaps we can grow into stronger, better people. Looking back on my time with Uncle Phil, for example, has got me wondering if I have been someone for my nephews and nieces to look up to - just like I still do to my old pal Uncle Phil.

Thank you for blessing me with those memories. I hope you're stockpiling some nails wherever you are, I've learned to swing a pretty mean hammer!