Dropping the Tre'

300 posts. Right here, right now. Who thought I'd speak my mind so much?

When I started blogging, I felt it was a way to keep my writing chops fresh. I had all sorts of ideas about things I could write about, and at the time, I had the time.

I started blogging in 2005... the same year I met Sheryl. Sheryl likes to credit her Gramps for our meeting. Ironically, Sheryl's grandfather died five years ago today. So milestone blog #300 seems to make sense. As such, I dedicate this one to yet someone else I would have really enjoyed meeting - Sheryl's grandfather.

Before I realized that this was Nr. Drei Hundert, I intended to blog about the HILARIOUS "Fluxus with Tools" event I witnessed yesterday.

A fluxus originator, Alison Knowles, performed with her daughter, Hannah Higgins, who is an art scholar.

Fluxus, as I have mentioned, I find HILARIOUS. I sat through this show grinning like a Cheshire cat, as Alison and Hannah gave us a taste of Fluxus (and salad, and a spaghetti sandwich...). I will never see a show like this again, and I'm so glad I went.

When I got home, I excitedly tried to explain it to Sheryl, laughing throughout... but I was the only one laughing. Sure enough, Fluxus gets lost in translation. Which is exactly what I feel fluxus is about - the viewer's experience.

Robert Fripp in King Crimson believes this - that a concert is about the now - the observer's experience. And every person, every observer, will have a different experience.

Frank Zappa felt similarly, I believe - that music is in the ear of the beholder. Music observed is a singular event.

In some ways, I find that amazing, and mind-blowing that every event I experience is my experience only.

But in some ways, I find that so sad. So lonely.

Millions of people can love the new Lady Gaga song, but why does each person love it? What are they hearing? Surely, they are not hearing the tortured cat that I hear. And although I may (or may not) enjoy an occasional tortured cat, I do not suspect I would enjoy listening to it.

Fluxus helps remind me of my individuality, whether I like it or not. Fluxus also makes me yearn for the ideology of what I envision as the true artist. The burned out artist. The person that Neil Young sings about in "After the Goldrush" - "I was lying in a burned out basement, with the full moon in my eyes..."

And yet, in a lot of ways, I see Fluxus as a bunch of drunks sitting around throwing out ideas for the next infomercial - "Dude, what if we came up with a vegetable cutter that you slapped... haha! yea, we could call it the slap chop! Haha! Get it? Get it?? Whoo-hoo! Pass the Nighttrain man, don't bogart it!"

Every moment, every sight. Every sound, every touch. It's yours. Take ownership of it. No one can take it away from you.

The scholars and life coaches tell us to live our own lives.

Dude, you can't help it!

One of Them Days

You know, it was just one of them days. I was tired and cranky, trying to stay on the positive side of the fence, but it just didn't work out.

When I was sick, I vowed to myself that every day would be a good day. It was natural, and couldn't be helped, compared to pissing dark-orange Adriamycin, and aching my way through Neupogen shots.

Alas, today was one of those days when those dark days of chemotherapy were forgotten, and the occasional dark day of everyday life crept in. I'm not proud about it. Actually, I'm sad.

The nice part, however, is that I have those horrible memories to keep things in perspective. Tomorrow will be another day, and I can right my wrongs of today.

Something strange happened to me today, too, that makes me aware or celestial order.

I was invited to a Fluxus event at the DIA this Thursday!

I decided to go. I'd like to share the event with my amazing wife, but it might be better that I go alone. When I come home, I can tell her all the cool things about it, and leave the boring things out.

And since I mentioned her, I just gotta say, "man, I love that girl!"

So three cheers for tomorrow - and not just cuz it's St. Patrick's day!

I've got a few of those stories, too... maybe I'll share them soon.

Mediartistry

When I was in my 20s, I wanted to marry music, art, and writing into an exhibition. I didn't (and still don't) know how it would happen, but I knew if it was supposed to happen, it would.

There are items in the DIA that tie a couple of the items together, but not all three. And much of the fluxus movement dabbled in combinations.

In the 90s, there was a big movement towards spoken word, which I embraced as a possible brother.

I am occasionally reminded of this dream, and the catalyst for today's memory is PBS' airing of Leonard Cohen Live at the Isle of Wight, 1970.

Holy crap, Leonard Cohen is talented! He uses words like Dylan, and music like Lou Reed. And he puts me in a place of comfort and imagery every time I hear him.

Oh, to be a weaver of words... carrying a basket of banter... ranting ravings of radical ridiculousness.

God bless those people who enhance our dreams, and who make those dreams more vibrant...

Hail the artist!

Vibrations

I read a great article today. Just the fact that I had a moment to remember to breathe today was awesome, so this article was a breath of fresh air.

I remember my brother telling me that he said affirmations while in the shower each day, and I thought he was a freak. I still do, but he's my brother... I can say that about him! :) Nonetheless, I started to realize the power of affirmations, and tried to dabble in it.

Last July, Sheryl and I went on vacation to (N)Asheville. The Asheville area is very forward thinking and a lovely place to go. It's much like Ann Arbor, but in the mountains. While there, I picked up a free magazine from a spirituality store. Impressed by the concepts contained within, I read the magazine from cover to cover.

One of the articles was a very impressive article regarding affirmations. It was at that point, that I developed a list of my own affirmations, and read them nearly every day.

I really think it works. I feel that I have become a better person, and have attained many mid-level goals on my way to greatness.

And to be honest, my affirmations help me focus on what I'd like to accomplish every day.

So it was with this in mind that I read Yoko Ono's article.

Now I gotta admit, I'm somewhat of a Yoko fan. I loved her book "Grapefruit", and when I went on my "lost vacation" after my cancer treatments, I ended up at an art museum outside of Raleigh, North Carolina that featured an exhibit from none other than Yoko Ono.

I'm not sure why, but the piece that I loved the most at that exhibit was the telephone. A card next to the working telephone said that Yoko was the only person who knew that phone number, so if the phone rang, you could answer it, knowing that it was Yoko calling. I thought that was so cool!!

It was only last year when I realized that Yoko's style of art had a name. As it turns out, Yoko is a part of an artist movement called "Fluxus".

Ironically, I learned this at the Detroit Institute of Arts... one of my favorite places on the planet. My wonderful friend Leonard and I went to the DIA, and I saw a new exhibit, which I was immediately enamored with. And there was a piece on the wall... I said "Hey, man, look at this... reminds me of Yoko Ono's stuff." And sure enough... it WAS Yoko Ono's stuff!

Yes, if not for John Lennon and the Beatles, me and a lot of other people would never had heard of Yoko Ono. Yes, she will forever be linked to the breakup of the Beatles. But be open minded. Look at what she's saying...

Isn't it at least KINDA cool??

Yer Head is Spinnin' (From a Loud Guitar)...

I love weekends. They are a time to recharge the batteries, and kick back and relax.

This weekend, though, hasn't quite been that way. We've been thrown off by little things.

It started Wednesday, and Thursday's 9:30pm departure from work didn't help. And yesterday... well, that was okay. A trip to the casino and the splurge of a buffet was awesome.

But this morning, we were up at our normal crack of dawn - awaiting the craftsman, who is doing some work on our house - moulding, flooring, insulation, and cabinet preservation. I'll tell you what. He was prompt, he was thorough, and he was awesome! Need some work done? We know someone...

We also made a trip to the tax guy. Once again, our taxes were all funked up. I'm not talking James Brown or Rick James or Parliament funk. I'm talking John Holmes and Linda Lovelace funked!

Fortunately, the damage wasn't too bad, but our heads were spinning. Round, round, baby right round... like a record...

And so it was, we came home, watched more TV, and ordered Tigers tickets. We're going to one game each in May, June, July, and August. Should be fun... wanna join us?

So our spinning heads lead us to right now. 10:30pm Saturday night. Sheryl in bed, me awake watching the original 1975 Rollerball. The original funk!

Tomorrow, we get back to it with more work on the house. And Monday starts a stressful week of work.

Wish I had my battery charger with me.

Anxiety Slop

I learned something interesting today.

I received an e-mail from our customer at work ("the government") saying that there were some problems with the book we delivered and they wanted to meet with us to discuss it.

My first thought was that I did something wrong, and it really bummed me out for a little while. I felt that I let my team down, and that they would lose respect for me.

Pretty strange, huh?

As I took myself out of the situation (i.e., went to the shop to ponder my dilemma), I realized how ridiculous those thoughts were.

And where did they come from, anyway?

I realized that they somehow stemmed from childhood, and I need to please people. Somehow.

In this case, however, this meeting is exactly what I expected. My team did the absolute best that we could with the tools that we were given. I have been leading them properly. We just need to get a better understanding of what our customer wants.

This will be a great meeting, and I'm interested to learn how far we are away from what our customer expects from us.

I'm glad I had the presence of mind to think through my initial feelings... those thoughts seriously could have bummed me out for the rest of the day.

What did you learn today?

Green

This morning, I decided to check out some music videos on demand. I thought I'd check out the new Rob Zombie video, and in no time, I found myself...

Jealous.

Yep. Jealous.

I have an awesome life. I am incredibly grateful for the blessings I have. But I gotta admit...

I think I could grow accustomed to a California lifestyle.

The video was shot in a home studio, with crazy paraphernalia covering the walls, floors, etc. I believe that this was Rob Zombie's actual house. And the sun was shining through big glass windows.

And I thought, "Sun? Wha-?"

And it got me thinking to the culture and lifestyle that I think is really cool - artists.

Now, I know that the lifestyle is not even close to how I envision it... Chevy Chase proved that in the movie "Funny Farm".

But I love the idea of having a big home office with big, bright windows that I could open to sunshine, even in the dead of winter. And in this big home office with big, bright windows, I could sit and write amazing stories about amazing people and their amazing journeys.

And I would make amazing money and experience amazing personal growth, and Sheryl and I would have our own amazing journeys that other people would aspire to have...

And maybe even be jealous of. On a cold winter morning.

Dog Days

Okay, so the first couple weeks of August are considered the dog days of summer. Historically, this is because Sirius - the dog star - is prominent in the summer sky. But for me - and I might not be the only one here - I always used to feel like a dog during these days, panting desperately under the hot sun. In my neighborhood, the dog days of summer are evidenced by empty,  post-armageddon streets, and constantly running air conditioners.

Now if August hails dog days of summer, I think that mid-February hails the three dog nights of winter. The term "three dog night" comes from a saying (and I'm paraphrasing here) - The night was so cold, it took three dogs to keep him warm.

Don't mistake the term three dog night for the band, although it is sorta nice to classic pop music our way through the winter - let alone this blog. After all, WWJD (what would Jeremiah do)?

Methinks he'd probably make haste towards someplace warm - which right now, as evidenced by snow in 48 of the 50 United States, is someplace mysterious.

In the meantime, I reckon I'll run the piss out of our furnace, and watch professional bowling on ESPN while trying to figure out what to do on Sundays post-Superbowl.

Happy three dog nights of winter, folks. Keep warm and bring joy to the world!

ANXIETY

Do you - or did you - ever have a friend or family member who always made you feel a little dread every time you saw them?

I realized today that I have one of those people in my life.

The only reason this person is in my life is because I very possibly might not be here if not for him. And I think I love him.

I'm OBVIOUSLY talking about my oncologist.

This morning, I went to see Doc P, and I swear to god, I break into a sweat when he examines me.

The good news is that everything is good - just as we expect them to be!

The bad news is...

Hah! There is no bad news! Huzzah!

This year, I've decided to make an effort to be more gracious. And believe me, I am EXTREMELY grateful that my amazing wife and I are healthy. I pray every night that this can be so we can share many happy healthy years together.

So yes, Doc P, despite the mad love I feel towards you, I am still often deathly afraid to see you. As I told you today (true story!): You are one of my good problems.

My friends, live strong. Live well. And many blessings upon you all.

Marco

When I was a very young boy, I had a friend named Marco. Marco was a cool Italian kid whose parents had surprisingly Irish names - Pat (his mom) and Lucky (his dad).

Now however Lucky Marco's dad was is debatable. My luck isn't.

My luck used to run either hot or cold. Until I met Sheryl. Since that moment, my luck has run about as good as good could get!

And so it is with complete gratitude and humility that I wish my wonderful wife a truly happy birthday.

Call it lucky, call it blessed... whatever. I am the one married to an angel. It says so on her wedding ring (and not "Gai Pan" like we were afraid it said!).

Happy birthday punkin. Thank you for all the good you've brought into my life. I pray that we celebrate many, many more of your special day!!!

I love you!

Faces in the Crowd

It has been quite a strange few days.

Not long before my dad died, he attended his 30 year high school reunion. He had a blast.

Just prior to my 10 year reunion, I had heard that the 10 year was filled with everyone puffing out there chests, and maintaining old cliques. But the 20th, I'd heard, was everyone bemoaning failed marriages and such. But the 30 year was where everyone had come to understand their lot in life, and people got along great.

Nonetheless, I attended our 10 year reunion. And it pretty much sucked.

So I skipped the 20 year (actually, I wasn't invited, but I could have gone if'n I wanted to). And lately, I've been thinking to hell with all that crap. I would be happy not attending another reunion at all.

So along comes Facebook. And I'm still feeling like I don't want to see most of the people I went to school with. However, without really noticing, all sorts of mini reunions have begun to occur.

The other night, I was chatting with someone I hadn't heard from in 25 years. And out of the blue, I get e-mails from people whom I had forgotten I was close to.

And today, I met with a high school friend whom I hadn't really chatted with since our senior year in high school.

It's a mind-blowing world in which we live. For sure.

For now, I'm happy with these mini reunions. I could still give a shit less about seeing everyone. Time changes things, though, and as long as you go into it with open eyes, there's really a lot to see.

I wonder what wonders tomorrow may bring...

One

It's a lazy saturday. I'm getting ready to do my workout. My wife, whose birthday is a week from today, is in the office doing office-work-type-stuff.

I had an interesting day yesterday. I interviewed two people for a job at work, and hired one of them. It was the first time, however, that I had to tell someone that we went with someone else. That was sad. But, we have someone in house who will definitely help. The person originally in that role could not be counted on, and that really sucked.

So for now, I am enjoying the quiet of this lazy saturday. In a few moments, my ADD will kick in, and I will be running around the house like a kid on a sugar buzz. So many things to do, and so little quiet time.

Hmmm... nothing more exciting to say. For now.

What's new?

Alright, so over the weekend, I spent some time transferring some of my vinyl to digital. It is so refreshing to hear some old, old REO Speedwagon (Flying Turkey Trot, anyone?), and some of the crazy stuff I used to listen to in high school.

Sometimes, it makes me nostalgic for the past, and sometimes it makes me wonder what's coming next.

And sometimes, I can hardly think straight because I am working a lot these days.

Music soothes the savage beast. Soothe me, Blue Oyster Cult, soothe me, Paul McCartney, soothe me Debbie Harry...

So what's new with you?

Hello America!

It is 2010, and I read my horoscope for the year. In a nutshell, it said that all my hard work will pay off this year.

I sort of laughed at it initially, but I also sort of know it already.

My life has been weird. I have gone through a lot of crap, but I have also had some of the greatest moments in life.

But the one thing I have always had, was a positive way of looking at life. I have always known that things will work out as they should. And so far, they have.

It's true that I do occasionally get jealous of people who haven't been mauled by the family dog (January 18, 1977), or those who haven't had cancer (2002), but I don't think I can be blamed for that. And you know, overall, I realize that they should be jealous of me.

Survivorship is the ultimate in hard work. On TV, Survivors have to eat rats, worms, and other things just to win a million dollars. Hell yeah, that's tough stuff, but real life survivorship helps you realize that life is so much more than all the drama yo mama can handle.

I have worked very hard my entire life. And it has paid off.

It helps that I am lucky, too. Not multi-million dollar lottery lucky - not yet at least - but extremely fortunate.

I am blessed to have the family and friends that I have. I am lucky to have found someone like my wife. And although the stars may hold my future, I know that hard work will pay off.

So in 2010, as I work hard to see positive results, I wish the best and greatest love and luck to anyone out there reading this. And even those who aren't.

Oh Holy...


Sheryl and I went to Sheila's house last night for a Christmas Eve visit. We had a very nice time, met some very nice people, and we are extremely thankful for the mysterious (and not so mysterious) forces that brought Zakk and I back together after so many years. To say I am humbled to be so blessed on this Christmas day does not give the words justice.

Thanksgiving

It's not quite Thanksgiving, but I wanted to blog before a potentially crazy day confronts us.

Thanksgiving brings me many fond memories... particularly pumpkin pie, pumpkin pie, and the year that pumpkin pie. Come thanksgiving, though, I always remember my Grandma Rodgers. She was a great woman, and having been born in the "Nineteen-oughts", she was around during the great depression, and shared stories with me about those days.

Grandma was cool, and she loved to follow my life excursions. I think she really would have loved Sheryl.

Sheryl is whom I am most grateful for. Not just at thanksgiving, but every single moment of my life. Grandma Rodgers was a very religious woman, and I have no doubt that she had a hand in bringing this angel to me. Looking back on my life before Sheryl, I see my life going nowhere. My life has changed drastically since, and it's all been amazing.

I am so fortunate and thankful that Sheryl agreed to marry me back in 2007. The way I feel about her should not be a surprise to her. In fact, Sheryl and I both try to live lives of gratitude - where we recognize how lucky - how blessed - we really are.

I hope that all three of my readers have a most wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving. "..If you can't be with the ones you love, love the ones you're with..."

Thanks 2B Given

I am always thankful for my mother. Not only are we son and mother, but good friends, too - a true blessing!

Gvng Thx

Now this process gets easier. There's no thinking involved in these last few days of giving thanks. Although this exercise is coming to a close, don't think I ever cease to be grateful.

Today, I am thankful for my brothers and sister. I am thrilled that they are in my life.

Danke

Today I am thankful for my health. Although I am not the healthiest 43 year old, I am grateful that I am healthy enough to live a happy and productive life. Plus, I can still do almost everything that I still want to do.

Giving Thankz

Sitting here, with the night winding down, it is after midnight, and a new day.

So today I give thanks for dreams.

Dreams, like hope, can change the world. They can make life magical and mystical.

Don't stop dreaming. Dreaming is free.