The Eve of Christmas Eve

Last night, Sheryl and I sat outside on the front porch of Vino's on Duval in Key West. We had completed a full day of riding scooters and sightseeing, and had an incredible dinner at Mangoes.

As we sat, drinking our wine of the moment, I realized I was a little chilly. So I took a blanket off the chair next to me, and covered my legs - bare from the knees down.

Watching people walk by, overhearing bits and pieces of conversations - in English and other languages - we gazed at the Christmas lights decorating the businesses across the street.

I had a sudden moment of clarity. I was in the perfect place at the perfect time doing the perfect thing with perfect company.

Another blessing.

Conclusions

There are many reasons to count our blessings. I acknowledge my appreciation for things daily.

Lately, I've been working on an experiment using the concepts discussed in "What the Bleep Do We Know?"

And I've found that these concepts can and do work. I also found that it was very difficult to step away from old habits and develop new ones. Oddly enough, I found that by being cold forced me to whine and bitch about being cold, rather than focus on my blessings and experiment.

I've talked about some parts of my experiment, but there was one I did not want to discuss until a couple of days ago.

They say that it takes three weeks to change habits. So, I decided that I wanted to change my drinking habit.

It wasn't easy to accomplish his. I got some hassle, but I persisted. I didn't know what to expect, but I did know that if I was able to achieve my goal, then my sense of will power was strong enough to accomplish anything in life. Yes, somewhat drama-queenish, but something nonetheless I felt I needed to prove to myself.

And I learned some things, too. I learned that I slept better. I learned that I felt better. I felt that I could focus better.

And people who knew me 10+ years ago won't comprehend this, but I learned that I missed drinking wine, and experimenting with wine more than anything.

Over the last year or so, I haven't really enjoyed what rum and other hard liquors have been doing to my body. Of course, I have had a tendency to drink excessively at each sitting as well, but that don't count, right?

So the experiment is over, and I am eager to take these lessons I've learned and find out how they help me become a better person, and what amazing things I can accomplish.

It's all a process. And if we're lucky, we never stop learning and testing ourselves.

Notes on the Experiment

I've only been working on this experiment for a week or so, and I can already say that I feel confident that it will work. There are too many coincidences to make me think otherwise.

There are four items that are part of the experiment:
1) Identify moments in the day that Sheryl and I are grateful for (thus opening ourselves for positive occurrences);
2) Receive a job offer down South (which nearly happened, but I realized that I wanted to stay at my current position a little longer, so I turned down the opportunity);
3) and 4) They still have not occurred, so I will keep them to myself... until they do occur. I am confident they will.

But the gist of the experiment has been to determine whether I could change things in my life by changing the way I think about them.

I have been really fascinated lately by the Quantum Edition of "What the Bleep Do We Know?" There are hours upon hours of bonus information regarding quantum mechanics and quantum physics, and this is what ignited the concept of my experiment.

Daily, I think it's important for me to remember: "I make myself available to the infinite possibilities." By saying, and believing in this, I recognize that there is no limit to my life. There is nothing I can't do (without the proper work being done).

And now I'm excited to see what I can accomplish with this knowledge.

Let's finish Items 3 and 4 first, eh? :)

Life

On the day that I learned that Elizabeth Edwards died, I went with my amazing wife to see the pulmonologist.

18 months ago, a CT scan showed a spot on my lung. My oncologist - as thorough as he is - put me through three more CT scans to ensure everything was alright. And then sent me to the pulmonologist. As long as the pulmonologist said everything was okay, then I was in the clear.

Well, I am in the clear, although he wants one more CT in the spring.

So, how did I celebrate?

I went to the Y, and rode 16 miles on the trainer.

It's good to be alive. How do you celebrate your life?

"Life has no limitations, except the ones you make." - Les Brown

The Daily Dose

As part of my experiment, I have been trying new things: being more positive, being more aware of my surroundings and opportunities, appreciating what I have, and focusing on my desires.

Part of being more positive has included asking Sheryl what the best part of her day was just before she goes to bed. Doing this helps both of us to focus on something positive before going to bed. Maybe it's just a coincidence, but I have been sleeping really well lately...

The other things come and go, but as I work on each aspect of this project, I get a kick out of finding ways to make the best of myself and the opportunities available to me.

This morning, I tried to focus on the experiment while I was working out, but didn't have a lot of time tonight to meditate on it.

Tonight was big, though, met a personal milestone, and helped make someone's day. These are positives that will help along the way.

As I further refine the parameters of the experiment:

Today, I make myself available to all possibilities that will ultimately lead to a positive outcome.

My favorite part of the day was seeing all of the smiles I saw tonight, including hearing my aunt say that she hasn't laughed that hard in a long time. Made me think about all the laughing I did today. Very positive. :)

The experiment...

So I am working towards a moment that will be a great benefit to me. I am trying different things, like eliminating negativity from my life. By doing this, I believe that I can make more positive things more available to me.

There have been some struggles over the last few days, but there has definitely been some positively stranger things happening as well. Today, despite some non-positive occurrences, I found that there were a number of occasions where I was "in the right place at the right time". Or "someone was just looking for me," and there I was. This is an important development towards my goal.

Something else important came to me as well. Three quotes that idealize things I need to keep close during this experiment:

"The ultimate reason for setting goals is to entice you to become the person it takes to achieve them." - Jim Rohn

"Find peace in your heart. It will spread over the world. The effect of it is strong and immediate." - Yoko Ono

"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." - Charles Darwin

These have all come to me since I decided to undergo this experiment. This tells a big tale.

Today, I open myself to all positive opportunities, and recognize the changes within me, and around me, no matter how small or how large, that occur as a result of opening myself up to these positive opportunities.

I'm getting excited to see what happens next!

I'm three days into my experiment, and I'm still in learning mode. Still trying to figure it out. It is good, and it's going to be good... if not GREAT!

Today I open myself to all POSITIVE possibilities.

There's a lot to learn here, and I'm not quite ready to move on yet. Be patient, my pretties...

Today: I open myself up to all possibilities.

I am performing an experiment. I expect that the outcome will be favorable for me, and it will take 45 days to complete.

Each day, I add a piece of the puzzle, ultimately ending up with the desired outcome.

Bear witness to this experiment with me. Let's travel the road together.

Today: I open myself up to all possibilities.

Thanksgiving thoughts - 2010

One of my daily affirmations is "I am gracious, accountable, and focused."

Grace, in my mind, is to be appreciative of what you've got. So in a way, Thanksgiving is every day for me.

I am grateful for things that fall into major subsets - people, situations, and things.

I am grateful for my wife, who swore she'd make me laugh every day, and she keeps her word.
I am grateful for my mother, who is probably my best friend.
I am grateful for my brothers and sister, because no matter what, we know we can count on each other.

I am grateful to be back in touch with many family members that I'd fallen out of touch with.
I am grateful to be alive, and to have a chance every day to make a positive impact on the world around me - especially my wife's world.
I am grateful to understand what it is to be healthy, and to be healthy and happy.

I am grateful for a job that reminds me that I love to work, and I love being a technical writer.
I am grateful for my bikes - Shtiya and Moyo - my strength and my heart.
I am grateful for the wisdom that I earned from the University of Hard Knocks.

On the night before Thanksgiving, I listen to Black Sabbath's "Paranoid" album, and Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon". They remind me of when I first truly listened to those albums - on the day before Thanksgiving, when my grandma came to spend the night, and help my mother with Thanksgiving dinner preparations. When I think of my Grandma Rodgers, I recall how much I love her, and how much I love my Grandma Cummings. Both named Rose, ya know...

So thank you, Thanksgiving, for granting me the memories that remind me that our past is a blueprint to our children's future.

Thank you everyone.

A Rock Lobster Treat

I just spent the last 30 minutes writing a piece that touched my soul regarding John Lennon, and the PBS special "American Masters".

And through a computer glitch, I lost it. It was deleted.

Gone.

Finito.

It must have divine providence.

Thank you, my spiritual guides. I love and miss you.

Get Back Jojo!

People always talk about "If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing...". But what if you really had a chance to go back?

What if the you who you are now, could go back in time? What if you could take someone with you? I mean, I would totally take Sheryl. I think we would have so much fun being as wise as we are after 43 years (44 for me), and seeing how different things would be.

If it wasn't for cancer, I would not be the person I am now. Sheryl and I might not have ever met. BUT... what if we were already married, and what if I could be 35 again, and not have to go through cancer again, but still have the glory of youth and excitement of all the years ahead of me?

Instead of 40 glorious years together, we could have 60, and we could have fewer aches and pains, and blah blah blah...

I love my life. I say it over and over, and I completely believe it. Sometimes though, I gotta admit. I wish I had everything I have, but could have a few less worries, and have the spirit of being young.

Oh well, I guess that's what I get for watching live Weezer videos while nursing a bit of a cold. :(

Red Red Wine...

In the late 60s, Jimi Hendrix recorded an album with the Band of Gypsys. The amazing album has a song on it that Clapton and Winwood recently covered, called "Changes".

The first lyric is "My mind is goin through them changes, I think I'm goin outta my mind..."

And that thought lingers with me as I look back on today's visit to the Cloverleaf Wine Shop in Royal Oak.

But that's not truly the beginning of this story. It really starts a couple of years ago.

I am perpetually trying to improve myself. Tweaking and changing, trying to become a better person. Part of becoming a better person is trying to live long enough to achieve betterdom. One night, I decided to choke down some red wine. After all, it's been lauded as a health enhancer, and I am all for enhancing my health.

A day or two later, I thought I'd choke down red wine again.

And eventually, something crazy happened.

Actually, two somethings crazy happened:

1) I got better results from my doctor.
2) The red wine eventually started tasting pretty okay.

So... on trips to Costco, I started trying different red wines, and actually found one in particular that I liked.

Now we fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. Sheryl and I went to Royal Oak for dinner, and stopped by the Cloverleaf - a small, locally run wine and crafted beer shop.

Scott, an employee there, greeted us, and offered to help us find something or answer any questions. By now, I had grown weary of simply looking for bottles of red wine with cool labels. I wanted to gain a little knowledge, and understand a little more about what the hell I was drinking.

Scott took some time with us, and supplied a few suggestions based on my weak explanation of what I thought I liked in a wine. He explained flavors, grapes, growing locations, costs and the like. Most of which went over my head.

And we walked out of there with five bottles of wine. Most of which were in the price range that I felt comfortable paying for.

As soon as we got home, I popped open a bottle that Scott highly recommended - Tres Picos. Sheryl and I both loved it. In fact, I thought it was the best damn wine I'd ever had...

It turned out that I really enjoyed three of the five bottles, and "merely enjoyed" the other two.

Fast forward again to my visit to the Cloverleaf today.

I walked in and started looking at bottles of wine. I still wasn't sure of what I was looking for, but I knew the general area to look in, to find something I might like. Scott walked by.

"Dude," I said, "you were dead nuts on the Tres Picos. It was the best wine I'd ever tasted."

If you think about this, this is something that everyone wants to hear about their job. This is the ultimate compliment (aside from giving someone a raise...), no?

So Scott and I talked about wine. He made more recommendations, and I started to sort of kinda understand what he was talking about.

"My mind is goin through them changes, I think I'm goin outta my mind..."

Mr. Beer Drinker. Mr. Tequila Taster. Mr. Rum Drinker, Vodka Drinker, Margarita Drinker... talking wine???!!!

Yes, 10 years ago, I would have never seen it coming. 10 years ago, I would have never seen marriage coming, either. 10 years ago, I would have never seen cancer coming.

It's all about growth, I guess. It's all about betterdom. The more you learn about things you don't know, the more learned you become, no?

So here I am, eager to taste the five new bottles of wine that I got earlier today.

Crazy.

Changes.

Wishing Tree

When I sit underneath the wishing tree and look to the sky,
What do I wish, and why do I... why?
I wish for a few things which I will get to,
But before I start asking for things, I keep it real...
I say thank you.
I thank God.
I thank the angels.
I thank those who have inspired me and have passed.
I thank them for that, I thank them for this
I thank them for my brothers and sis.
And I thank and thank and thank.
I thank to be alive.
I thank for my wife.
I thank everyone for everything.

And then I start my wishes:
Please bless so and so and such and such.
Everybody and everyone.
And
Please help Sheryl and I achieve our goals.

I am a fortunate man, who's got an angel for a wife.
I think I know how to love life.
Birthdays are frickin' awesome.

The wishing tree has limbs of steel,
Carrying wishes upon its leaves.

I don't add much weight to its branches.
I just love lying nestled in its umbrella of hope.

How Cycling Made Me A Better Driver...

I pay more attention to spots where cyclists COULD BE.

How Driving Made Me A Better Cyclist...

I pay more attention to spots where cyclists ARE INVISIBLE... and try to BE VISIBLE.

That is all. Carry on.

(Re)Cycle

Yesterday, as I was riding into work, I bunny-hopped the same old massive crack that I bunny-hop every trip into work. The only difference yesterday was that I hopped right onto a rock.

The bike handled funny after that, and not in a take-my-wife-please way. Once I got to work, I saw the wobble. Later on, I saw the snapped spoke.

I was crushed and disappointed. I still have time, but I'm cutting it close to get my 20 rides into work this summer.

I'd just like to add that when you dearly love your bike, and love riding, and can't... you notice everyone else riding. They ride past you, mocking you. And I swear that a few of them flicked boogers at me, too!

Anyhow, it's painfully obvious that I need to take Moyo into the shop this weekend, and I hope like hell that she can be fixed right then and there.

I know, I know... I hear you out there asking: "What about Shtiya? Your strength and mechanical savior?"

I hear ya, brutha.

My beloved Shtiya has been sitting in the basement for about a year now. Neglected and sad, she bravely grew cobwebs and scared away dust bunnies and dirt beasts.

So I took her out to see the light of day. And she was happy.

Both Moyo and Shtiya needed a washing, so I carefully and gingerly wiped them both down. I put Moyo back together, and hung her in the garage to await the trip to the bike shop.

Shtiya, on the other hand, got herself some new tires and tubes. I was set to make her shine.

But as I wiped Shtiya down, I noticed her scars and scrapes. The poor girl - like me - had lived hard. I never knew that she had so many scars. It actually saddened me quite a bit. After all... she is in her twilight...

It got me to thinking about some of the amazing times we had together. Like riding through the Alaskan mountains, and over the Rocky Mountains... the rain-soaked trip into Helena, MT via 6,000+ feet.

Ahhh, the beautiful, melancholy memories.

I also found myself wondering how it will be when I bid my final farewells to Shtiya. Sheryl will never demand that I get rid of her. It will be all my decision when it is time.

I'll get a decent ride on Shtiya this season, yet. And I'll try to keep her from getting too old.

But one thing for sure is that I can always say that we had one helluva ride (my first 100 mile ride!).

Sometimes, I get into a mood to write, but I run into a problem:
I don't know what to write about!

There are so many things going on in the lump on my shoulder (which I call a "head"), that I feel there is a logjam. This is different than writer's block, because intuitively, I know that some sort of writing will be produced - unlike with writer's block.

The weather is starting to change, and I am already getting lazy and missing Moyo. This, of course, despite the fact that I'll be riding to work tomorrow, and have a number of rides still left this season. Man, what a great riding season this year!!

I signed up for my first alternative energy class, which starts after Labor day. I am so freaking excited, it is ridiculous. I have always wanted to save the world, and with this knowledge, I might actually be closer to achieving the unbelievable!

We've got plans every weekend from now until October. Birthday parties, bike rides, and lots of hanging out with friends.

My wife is the best thing to ever happen to me. Period. Seriously, I thank the angels every night for allowing me to marry one of their own.

Our 42" splurge of a television quit working 6 weeks after the warranty ran out. NEVER BUY A VIZIO TELEVISION.

I am doing some managerial administrative stuff at work that I've never done before. Although I relish the chance to learn something new, I am also out of my comfort zone. Ick!

Come on, football season!

I am reading a very good book right now - The Last Lion - a biography of Winston Churchill.

Being healthy is killing me. Seriously, why is it not against the law for insurance companies to screw us over? Of course, the argument could be made whether you can put a price on health and knowledge. I now happen to know that despite this stinking Sjogren's, I am healthy. Can you imagine what it's like to know that? To know for a fact that YOU ARE HEALTHY. For the first time since I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's, I am healthy (overlooking the obvious! lol!).

And so, with that, I will sign off for tonight. I wish you all still minds, happy hearts, inward smiles, and warm, lengthy hugs.

Is it technically green?

Today I was talking with a co-worker about going back to school.

It got me to remember that I really love technical writing. I don't know why I am attracted so much to this career - it certainly has not been stable for me. Nonetheless, I love writing about things that I know very little about. It forces me to learn how things go together, and how things work.

Too bad none of it has to do with household repairs!

After many years, I've realized, too, that I like to be a leader, and manage things. As such, I don't think I could pick a better job than the one I currently have. Well, maybe one with some longevity....

I've been vacillating between going back to school for my master's, or for something else.

And I think I chose:

Something else.

Alternative energies anyone?

Once again, it's stuff I know nothing about. It's relatively new, and it is definitely ready to explode (so to speak!).

A couple of decades ago, I loved the Vampire Lestat books by Anne Rice. There were times that I would think about being a vampire. "What would be the coolest thing about being a vampire," I used to ponder. The answer was that I could become an expert at a lot of things - I would live long enough to learn everything. EVERYTHING.

I could spend a lifetime as a marine biologist, a lifetime as a mercenary, a lifetime as a priest, a lifetime as a monk, a lifetime as a geologist. I could have a flipping blast!

I could be a technical writer of vampiric proportions, and sweating my schooling moves would involve no sweat at all.

But here I am... human, living a life as a tech writer.

... About to turn this b!tch green!

Summer Saturdays

During my ride into work this morning, I passed the Madison Heights library. I often pass the library on my way to and from work, but this morning triggered a happy memory from my childhood.

In 1976 and 1977, I was 10-11 years old. Down the road from our house, there was a bus stop... for the library bus to take us to the library.

I really loved taking the library bus. I would go down to the bus stop on a Saturday morning, where it would pick me up, and then we would cruise all around Madison Heights to pick up other people who wanted a ride to the library.

The bus ride was a rush - I always liked exploring different areas of our neighborhood, but the bus took us beyond the places I could ride my bike to. For the bus driver, it was simply a drivin' job. But for me... it was always an adventure!

Eventually, the green and white bus would stop at the library, and I would run inside, and feast on all of the great books there. I remember that they had spongey yellow cushions on the floor, where you could take a book and read. Man, I knew that library like the back of my hand - talk about exploring!

Yup, back in '76 and '77, we lived 4-5 miles from the Madison Heights library. But every Saturday, it could have been 1,000 miles for this 11 year old boy.

Somehow, I always knew when it would be time to get back on the bus for the trip back home. I bet I always had stories for my mom about my great library adventures.