"Do you think that I know something you don't know"
- Pink Floyd, from the song "What Do You Want From Me"

I sometimes get the feeling that some people look to me for answers to life.

In my career, one of my goals was to become an expert, or "guru". And I think that I achieved that. But that was non-essential stuff. After all, what does being a guru in ISO 9000 get you at the pearly gates?

St. Peter: "Holy schnikes, Matt, it says here that despite burning up all those ants with a magnifying glass between the ages of eight and twenty-eight, that you were considered an expert in some circles on the requirements of ISO 9000! That means that you get to sit DIRECTLY at the right hand of God!"

Now, it's true that I studied a lot about religions, and tried to be a good person based on the combined requirements, but some people still think that I know something that I'm not sharing.

Truth is, I struggle like hell in life. At times like now, I wonder why I'm still out of work. I mean, okay, things happen for a reason and all, but I did every possible thing I could think of, and still continue to be jobless.

The only "secret" I have learned is the reality of living each day to its fullest - that we may not be here tomorrow. How did I learn this? Ask Cancerboy.

Occasionally, I receive profound e-mails. Those ones that tell about the mysterious angel that saved someone's life, or the famous "rocks in a Mason jar" anecdote. These people think of me when they read the stories.

And all I can say is that I'm flattered.

Ted Nugent sang in his song "Stranglehold": "Some people think they gonna die someday, I've got news you never got to go..."

I took this to mean that as long as your memory remains, you will never die. And look at two of the most famous people who are never forgotten - Jesus Christ and Adolph Hitler. I decided that to be remembered, you had to be the greatest, or the biggest asshole. And although I can be a pretty good asshole, I just can't live that lifestyle.

So I try to be great. And in the meantime, I wrote a book to be housed in the Library of Congress...

... for a very long time!