Once again, I breathe a heavy sigh of relief.

For some reason, I had a really bad feeling going to see my pulmonologist today to get the results of this weeks' CT scan.

To be honest, I am getting tired of seeing the doctor and being told that although I feel fine, that something is wrong with me.

Fortunately, today's news was good, and I can breathe again.

Nothing abnormal showed up on the scan, and the last loose end is tied up...

I think we know everything that is wrong with me for now, and I can focus on the future once again.

Whew!

When I was old...

Every once in a while, I wonder if I have lived up to the potential I had as a kid.

The thought popped into my head again this morning.

As kids, we are often asked what we want to be when we grow up. I, for one, never thought about being a technical writer until my junior year in college.

But I had skills!

In 2nd and 3rd grade, I used to write stories for extra credit. I would compete with my classmates to see who could write the longest report. I was a freak.

I still am!

But as a kid, I wanted to be a baseball player. I lived and loved baseball. And I was good at it, too.

I ended up throwing my arm out by high school, though, and never liked the idea of getting hit by pitches. So I ended up sucking at baseball.

I was always thinking, though, and was often included in classes to promote intelligence and creativity. I never understood why I was in the same classes with all of the smart kids. I did okay in school, but never truly exerted myself. It’s true that I may have blown an opportunity or two, but as I get older, I wonder if I was bored, or was borderline ADD.

As a kid, we could be anything we wanted. It’s so strange to hear stories of people I grew up with becoming an alcoholic, or work at a gas station their whole lives.

Most of the kids in my “special” classes became engineers, politicians or economists.

What have I done with my life? Have I achieved everything I could with what I had to work with?

Oddly enough, that question haunts me daily. I think that as we get older, and are faced with the back side of our lifetime, we start thinking about that. As a cancer survivor, I started thinking about it earlier than most people.

And so as I wonder about all of the things little 8-year-old Matthew could have achieved in his life, I have to admit that he could have accomplished a whole lot more if he tried harder and wasn’t so lazy.

Then again, is it really fair to ask? After all, who is to say that this is not the most rewarding path Matthew could have taken in his life?

Bringing joy to people, being remembered for good nature and good heart helps determine whether we have lived a good life in the long run. If Matthew had become a doctor, could he have saved many lives? Sure, but would he inspire others by writing about his experiences? That’s possible, too.

We just don’t know what we don’t know. And if thinking about these things makes us strive to become a better person, then what’s the harm?

I think that although Matthew might have strived for more, he would think his 42-year-old self was pretty darn cool – and certainly worth looking up to and forward to.

So get this...

A couple of days ago, I was invited to a roundtable discussion held today with my congressman regarding healthcare reform.

Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?

It was really cool, and although we didn't get into as much detail as all of us may have hoped, it was very exciting to be involved in discussions that will change our healthcare system.

Of course, it was pretty cool that my congressman now has a copy of my book, too! :)

So when I got the call the other night, I did a little research, by calling and talking to others who have had a lot of experience in the realm of healthcare. I wanted to go into this meeting well informed and prepared.

As a result of those discussions, I decided that my biggest concerns regarding healthcare were making insurance available to everyone (maybe on a universal-type level), and patient advocacy.

Part of my problem with the healthcare system as it is is that when I was being treated for Hodgkin's, the insurance company and finances dictated some of the decisions I had to make. Given the choices, though, I made my choices and I accept them. Nonetheless, it would have been nice to have more choices to choose from.

Another problem I had was that I had lost my job, and lost my COBRA coverage, and therefore, once I signed up for insurance again, I had a pre-existing condition which would allow the insurance company to not cover me.

Everyone should be able to make their choices by having plenty of options. No one should be dropped from insurance because they miss a payment by one day.

Unfortunately, there are so many sub-issues to this huge problem, that it's tough to figure out where to even start.

But start we did. And I was a part of it.

Am I part of the problem or part of the solution?

Well, I was willing to do something about it - so right or wrong, that's all that matters - I tried.

Ye Olde Sombrero

This week has been crazy nuts. As I sit here tonight, I am trying to filter all of the emotions, thoughts and feelings from the week.

Tomorrow is a huge day for me and my quest for excellence. Yet Sheryl and I attended a funeral today, and although I attended for moral support, I find that it is impossible to squeak through without feeling heavy emotion. And yes, I can be emotional even if I can't cry... I think! :)

Nonetheless, I am sitting, thinking, and being. In the old days, I would be wasted by now, thinking I'm having a moment of existentialism. Today, that would be completely wrong to attempt.

I hope to post this weekend and tell you about my big day tomorrow. I'm really excited to be a part of something important.

Good night my friend(s)... may your dreams in sleep give flight to dreams in real life...

Take Your Shot

Well, life threw me another curve. This time, I've been diagnosed with Sjogren's Syndrome. I can't help but wonder how Rasputin and/or Hitler felt after the many attempts on their lives. I mean, I've been fortunate now to survive an accident, cancer, and now a freaking syndrome!

I almost don't care. I very well realize that when I die, it will be my turn. However I die, I cannot control. A good friend of mine used to say that you can't drown a man born to hang. I used to joke that it would be my luck that on the last day of my cancer treatments, I would walk outside and get hit by a bus.

Hilarious, huh?

So while spending all of this time in the healthcare system, I wanted to do something positive about it. When I was a kid, I always felt like I could save the world (without saving a cheerleader - although that coulda been fun), but I still feel like I haven't made my mark yet. Still haven't accomplished saving the world. I thought my book was my mark, but apparently it wasn't.

So how do you achieve greatness? How do you become a hero?

I have no idea.

However, when I saw that President Obama began discussions regarding healthcare reformation, I said, "Hey, I have some experience to share!"

So I wrote both the White House and my congressman.

Hello, Mr. President, I am here to help, and I happen to be looking for greatness.

In the 60's, there used to be a saying: "Are you part of the problem, or part of the solution?"

Sometimes, if you simply do whatever you can, you can avoid being the former.

I'm trying to do my best, to be part of the solution - god knows I could also use a little good karma!

What do you have to give?

Take your best shot.

While You See a Chance...

When you have a blog, it is important to keep it up. After all, you never know who is going to be reading it.

Just the other day, I learned that music icon Steve Winwood read my blog!

Pretty exciting, huh?!

Yeah, I made that part up. As far as I know, Steve Winwood doesn't give a rat's ass about my blog. However, the three or four of you who do read it, have been looking at the same blog since early last month.

LOOK! Something NEW! :)

The thing is, not a lot has been going on in my life. I have no thoughts, no ideas, nothing. Instead, I have been trying to keep from freezing my gonads, suffering through this terrible cold weather.

As you may recall, I had blogged about Americana, and how there is something about it that fascinates me. In my freezer block noggin haze lately, I have been dreaming about taking a drive along Route 66 though California, Arizona and New Mexico.

I don't know why, but I am strangely attracted to that idea. And the colder I get, the more I get to thinking about cruising the American desert.

Yesterday, Sheryl and I placed an order for new windows in the back of our house. Now, understand that although the thermostat in our house read 70 degrees this morning, when I got out of bed, it was flipping 59 flipping degrees in our room!

Since Sheryl is my hot piece of Ferndale sunshine, the only other reason for the cold could be my frozen heart. Or the crappy-ass 1950s windows we have in our bedroom. I'm not sure exactly which...

In any case, our blue toes tainted our decision for windows yesterday. And I'm thinking that the rest of 2009 will be dedicated to my paraphrase of Stephen King via Jack Nicholson in Stanley Kubrick's adaptation of "The Shining":

"All Work and No Play Makes Matt and Sheryl Warm Window Owners." "All Work and No Play Makes Matt and Sheryl Warm Window Owners." "All Work and No Play Makes Matt and Sheryl Warm Window Owners.""All Work and No Play Makes Matt and Sheryl Warm Window Owners.""All Work and No Play Makes Matt and Sheryl Warm Window Owners.""All Work and No Play Makes Matt and Sheryl Warm Window Owners.""All Work and No Play Makes Matt and Sheryl Warm Window Owners.""All Work and No Play Makes Matt and Sheryl Warm Window Owners."

So while the rest of the world gets their 2009 kicks on Route 66, I will be relishing the melting of my toes, my nose, my fingers, my brain.

And maybe - just maybe - my heart, too.

Make no mistake, I recognize that my wife and I are incredibly blessed to be weathering this economy - no matter how cold it may be. And as long as the literal road is not traveled, it will still be there for the experience to be had.

It's been my experience that everything happens as it should, whether I/we like it or not. So although I may whine and piss and moan, I understand and recognize how amazing life is.

And I realize that it's about the journey -

And I freakin' LOVE that!

Happy square root day! Pi for everyone!