It's an extremely sad realization when you've worked very hard to carve out a promising career, then see it all go to hell. And the funky thing of it all is that I look at the career moves I've made, and wouldn't do anything differently.

Despite having an amazing life, I've really got some crappy luck. Sometimes I simply can't believe how I've gotten through everything I have. How many people would have stuck their head in the oven? I don't know, but I sure as heck might if this job situation doesn't start looking up!

Okay, that's probably not true...

But the question arises - what's keeping me going?

Simple... faith.

If I didn't have faith that all of this is happening for a reason, I'd have grown despondent long ago. Plus, I've got to have faith that something good will come out of it.

With my career in the crapper, I've put my faith in the thought that geting a Master's degree is the way to go, and perhaps I can revive some of my past victories in the career department.

Damn, typing that was really depressing!

I have faith that I've laid proper seeds for "Cancerboy" to become successful, and those seeds just need to be nurtured for a bit. But it's hard allowing the world to take its' course, and not having a hand in more of the inner workings.

The fact that we have less control over things than we think is also a sad realization. Mine came a week before my birthday in 2002... when my platelet counts were too low to receive chemotherapy. I was willing to do whatever I could to get those platelets high enough - heck, I'da even ate broccoli! But all I could do was wait... and it was frustrating as hell.

And I sit here frustrated yet again, wondering how full my little bag of faith is... and how much longer it will sustain me...

In the CD player:
"The Gemini Suite - Live in 1970" and "Who Do We Think We Are" - by Deep Purple
"In Your Honor - Disc 1" - by Foo Fighters
"Minimum Maximum" - by Kraftwerk