HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY, MOM!!

On Saturday, October 1, my mom turns 60 years old.

I still get people telling me, "Dude, your mom is HOT!"

Anyone who has read my book understands how much my mom means to me. I love her to death.

When I was a kid, I used to play outside all the time, never knowing my limitations. At night, my knees would hurt so bad that I'd burst out in tears.

My mom would sit there and rub my knees for me until I fell asleep, or until she got too tired. More often than not, I fell asleep.

I loved playing baseball as a kid, and when my dad wasn't available, I'd talk my mom into playing catch with me. And although I still tease her about throwing like a girl, she did pretty okay - and had a lot more courage than all of the other mothers on the block!!

When I was going through cancer treatments, it killed me to ask my mom to come over and help me clean my house. Although she would have done it every week if I had asked.

My mom has supported me through every major decision I've made - no matter how stupid I was.

I scoff at Mother's day every year. My mom means so much to me that I try to remind her all year long - not just on some Hallmark holiday.

My mom has "adopted" many of my friends, and my friends adore my mother as well.

Not only do I love you, mom, but I respect you, your wisdom and opinions as well. I'm so glad that long life runs in your family - I'll have you around for lots and lots more years!

I hope your birthday is great!

Ahhh... October is nearly here.

Many people think of trees changing colors and Halloween during the month of October. I remember as a kid that October meant the World Series in baseball - now it's only the start of the playoffs.

October is also the start of hockey season, which I admit, excites me. It's also the month for a lot of birthdays in my family, including my rebirthday (the day I celebrate the end of cancer treatments) on October 23 (#3 this year!).

However, October means something else to me - the start of the training season.

Traditionally, when I've trained for long bike rides, I started training in October. This is the case again this year.

What am I training for this year? That's a fair question.

I've actually got a couple of goals for 2006 (don't tell my counselor that!): 1) I'll train for BRAG - the Bike Ride Across Georgia - held during the 3rd month of June; 2) a big bike ride that has to do with the "great idea that I have", but am not ready to share yet.

So what does training entail? Well, this year, I hope that it is something a little different. As a result of my grand idea, I hope to weasel some free expert advice. However, typically it includes a lot of miles on the trainer while watching old Tour de France videos.

Although this is my last week of screwing off, I have been getting into the mental attitude of training - drinking more water, and watching what I eat a little closer.

So, while everyone waits around for trees to turn colors, I happen to look forward to sweating out toxins and trying to ensure that rebirthday #4 in October 2006 is one of my healthiest!

Hey, a man's gotta dream!

Got back yesterday from a few days up in Lewiston, Michigan. Sheryl and I went up there Saturday after the Gilda's Club Family Walk, where I was selling books.

I suppose that I should say that I had hoped that by contributing a portion of each sale to Gilda's Club, I would have sold more books than I did. In any case, I did what I could, and will be happily donating $100 to Gilda's Club.

Once we got to Lewiston, it became a lot of drink drank drunk.

We really didn't do much, except hang out and chill. It rained nearly all day Sunday, but Monday was gorgeous. Sheryl was looking forward to having a fire and I was looking forward to seeing a real night sky (as opposed to a city night sky). Neither one of us was disappointed.

While trying to keep warm beside a roaring fire, we waited for the night sky to come out. We walked to a clearing, and stood amazed at the enormous number of stars. The milky way was flowing, and a couple of stars shot past... it doesn't get much better than that.

So now I'm back home, dying for one of my job nibbles to take the bait and run... Come on God... we're so close, I feel it!!

Blog ya later!

I've been assaulted for the past few months with an idea of doing a charity bike ride to raise money for Gilda's Club. The problem has been that I've had way too many other things on my plate - crying for work, marketing my book, etc. However, the plan seems to be working itself off of dead center.

It's a great plan - I think it's pretty cool, if I say so myself! Unfortunately, I know I'll have to do most of the work myself, and it makes me tired just thinking about it! If it's meant to be, however, it will happen... and it seems to be moving along.

Sorry I can't tell you the idea in my blog - I've had too many people steal my ideas in the past. For instance, the rear window wiper on cars was mine. I was eight years old, walking into Universal City with my mom, and asked her how come there weren't any windshield wipers for the rear window? Mom didn't know, but years later, look what happened! I know some GM engineer overheard me asking my mom... so no more freebie ideas from me, damnit!

Anyhow, not a lot new today... I'm still hoping to hear something from the two - three job leads I have. Saturday Sheryl and I will be selling my book at the Gilda's Family Walk. Hopefully, we can sell the remaining 90 or so books, and I can get a third printing ordered...THAT would be sweet!

Well, until next time, kiddies...

It's tough writing a blog when "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" is on TV at the same time...

Two words: Phoebe Cates.

Anyhow, I think I'm addicted to lectures. Although tonight's lecture at the fabulous Ferndale library was not well attended, I had the same rush as I did after the Gilda's lecture. And that's pretty sweet!

More important than the lecture was getting together with Dave Hurst afterwards. When I was going through my cancer treatments, Dave asked me to be on the board of directors for Trips for Kids Detroit. Dave is a great guy, who I met while I trained to ride across Montana. I wanted to support Dave's dream of helping inner city kids, so I agreed. Unfortunately, after a couple of years, I realized that my heart wasn't in it... so I stepped down.

Dave was also the first person who asked me about talking to kids - to be an inspiration to them, but I didn't understand. Now, it all seems to make sense.

It's a crazy, crazy life, and although I've recently learned that I have limitations, I think the crazy life is the life for me!

So... what's been happening?

Yep, it's been a while since I blogged last. I can't say it's been because I've been having too much fun, but rather the opposite.

I essentially broke down after the last post. I needed to re-align my thinking/priorities, and plan for the wosrt case scenario - selling/losing my house.

Although I completely understand that a house is "just stuff", I've realized that I've become quite attached to my home. Ever since I was in college, all I ever wanted was "a place for my stuff". And now here I am.

Well, after I hit bottom, a couple of things happened to give me hope: 1) I had an interview, and 2) I had a friend let me know that her company has been doing a lot of hiring, and I applied for a job there.

The interview went, I feel, pretty good. And suddenly, I'm optimistic once again. I love doing marketing for my book, but I would really like to get back into the workplace. I feel like a real part of society when I work. And hopefully, I'll have a chance now!

Another sign that things might be swinging my way is that I won a little drawing the other day at the Canadian Post that I belong to.

So... things have been tough, but hopefully there is that light at the end of the tunnel getting bigger and bigger.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no mental superhero who can overcome anything without fear... I've been scared to death for the last week, and have felt terrible. But the moments of clarity are getting closer together and I'm trying like hell to help things change...

Tonight is my second lecture - at the Ferndale Library. It should be fun, and I'm hoping for some decent book sales.

Thank so much for everyone who is praying for me. Hopefully we can move beyond that shortly!

Much love...

Not feeling particularly chipper today. The jobless thing is killing me.

I fully subscribe to the theory that a positive attitude is necessary to get past the crappy things in life, but does anyone realize how much energy it takes to overcome negativity? Ugh! The worst part is wanting to get drunk or find some other way to pass out, but realizing that it will do absolutely no good at all. So I gotta bitch about it on my blog, and show a side of me that I don't like to show.

Sure, I know things will get better. And I do understand that things have been worse. But sometimes I feel like I did while I was surviving cancer... constantly having this cloud over my head, and wishing like hell that I could get out from underneath the damn thing! Grrr...

I was telling my brother Van tonight that something's gotta give... I just hope it's not me...

Oh well, tomorrow's another day...

Still in the CD player:
"Gasoline" by The Hard Lessons
"Side One" / "Side Two" by Adrian Belew
"Bad Company" by Bad Company
"Always Outnumbered, Never Outgunned" by the Prodigy

Hmmm... it's been a while since I blogged - as some of you are all too aware of!

But last Thursday, I really didn't feel much like talking about anything. It was sort of a down day for me to charge my batteries before this weekend.

Friday started things off with the Detroit Open Dart League banquet. Now, I am on the executive board of the DODL, and yet, even I felt like the banquet was DULL. I wish I had some ideas on how to spice up the banquet, but I frankly feel like I need to focus on other things - like a job, perhaps? Like my book, perhaps? Seeing as that the next banquet is nearly a year away, I think I've got some time...

So after the banquet, I talked Sheryl into going to Aunt Hurricane's, which was only a few blocks away from the banquet hall. We didn't stay too late, as it quickly became a long night.

The next morning, I had volunteer gig at Gilda's Club - Spa Day. Normally, I set up for Spa Day, then come home, only to return later on to clean up. Well, this Saturday, I needed to stick around to sell some books - half of the proceeds going to Gilda's Club until September 24th. So, I set up for Spa Day, sold my one book, and 7 hours later returned home - in time to catch up on some college football prior to going to Pat and Patti's house. At 6pm, my mom, Bill, Sheryl and I headed over to Pat and Patti's for some conversation and some dinner.

It was a really nice time. They have a really nice house, and Pat and Patti have always been great friends to me - often better friends than I have been to them.

Anyhow, today is the day I've been looking forward to for a long time - the start of pro football, bay-bee! So I hung out watching the early games before going to Bill's to watch football with my mom and Bill in the first of hopefully many weeks of football-game-watching... which I'm trying to turn Sheryl on to. She's a real trooper, and has made serious attempts at enjoying the same things that I do - particularly cycling and football (we won't even talk about music!).

So that's what I've been up to... how about you?

Seeing as that I may have to sell my house (as a result of STILL being jobless), I've been intrigued by the thought of volunteering with the American Red Cross to help down South. I'll tell you what, though... when it comes down to it, I really think I'm chicken. Ever since I've been sick, I've tried to embrace change. Right now, though, I can't seem to accept the fact that I need to sell my house and face reality. Most of the time, I am a "glass is half-full" guy, and as a result, I tend to overlook the particularly uncomfortable things in life.

Needing to sell my house is one of those things.

I still think that something might happen to save my ass, but if not, perhaps volunteering with the Red Cross might be the perfect thing to keep me from thinking too much about my failed career. Keeping with the "I tend to overlook the particularly uncomfortable things in life" theme, I will overlook the fact that I will have reneged on many commitments and will dearly miss certain people if I choose to pursue volunteership with the ARC.

I do love the fact that life is so uncertain... you never know if today is the day you get your 15 minutes of fame, or if you save the baby from the well. Sometimes, just hearing a new song is great, or meeting a familiar stranger. The man I sold my book to on Saturday said to me "Hey, you're the guy!" I laughed, and said "Yes I am!" He smiled. He said, "No, you're the guy who wrote this book!" Again, I laughed and said "Yes I am!" At which point, he told me that he had just recently heard/read about me, but couldn't remember when/where. As a result, he was eager to purchase a book.

Oddly enough, I was eager to sell one.

In any case, it's moments like that which can really make your day... your life... your...

moment.

Now in the CD player:
"Gasoline" by The Hard Lessons
"Side One" / "Side Two" by Adrian Belew
"Bad Company" by Bad Company
"Always Outnumbered, Never Outgunned" by the Prodigy

Don't you wish that sometimes you could just plug into someone else's head and share certain experiences with them without having to explain it?

This happened to me a couple of times today. The first was during my interview. I am so positive that I am the right person for the job - a perfect fit, that I wanted the interviewer to understand as implicitly as I do!

Without such an ability to do something like this, the interviewer could fall under the evil spell of some bs'er who has no understanding of the job at all - and that just can't happen this time!

A couple of other instances came while consoling friends. I just wish I could have plugged into them to help them understand that things will work out... or hell, maybe they could have helped ME understand that!

Arsenio Hall had his "things that make you say 'hmmmm...'". There's no reason I can't have "things that make you say 'what the f--- is he talking about?'"

Cripes, I need a job. Anyone? Anyone?

Now playing:
WDET 101.9FM

Life is all about changes. If we're lucky, we'll take advantage of these changes, and become more complete human beings.

This last week has brought into my social circle a couple of the biggest changes. One friend had a baby, while another friend lost her mother.

Last night, I went to the Hamtramck Festival to see The Hard Lessons with Sheryl and a long time friend of mine. Before and after going down to Ham-town, my buddy - who has had a pretty crappy year - and I spent some time drinking beer and talking. We talked about changes, and we talked about dreams. He and I are dreamers at heart, and while in high school, we had big goals for ourselves.

And now, we both find ourselves in the middle of transitions - just like my other friends mentioned above (and I won't even mention those people who are dealing with Katrina!).

Personally, I feel like things are coming together. In fact, I decided today to allow myself to get excited about a job interview I have tomorrow. I usually try to reserve my excitement because I don't like to be disappointed - and I figure that as long as I don't get excited, I won't be too disappointed if things don't work out.

But Sheryl has been working patiently and diligently with me to help break down some of those barriers that have kept me from excelling and from being a more complete person. As such, I have a lot of hope that this interview will work out. I haven't been excited going into an interview for a long time... so this could be the one!

In general, people do not like change. Whether the change is happy or sad, it is always somewhat stressful. Ever since I was sick in 2002, I've worked to embrace change and to avoid ruts. Of course, there are always exceptions - such examples are the Buffalo chicken sandwich with seasoned fries at Mr. B's and General Tsao chicken at Chinese restaurants - those are good ruts!
Anyhow, if there is a moral to this story, I reckon that it would be "strive to live life". Someone once said "May you live every day of your life." And although it is often easier said than done, I think we'd all be better off if we gave it a try!

Now in the CD player:
"The Wall - Live in Berlin" by Roger Waters
"Heaven and Hull" by Mick Ronson
"Izzy Stradlin and the JuJu Hounds" by Izzy Stradlin and the JuJu Hounds
"Tin Machine" by Tin Machine

The science of darts.... or, the art of throwing pointed metal things and not stabbing anyone (one's self included!).

Last night we started the dart season. Anyone who knows me might say I'm a bit neurotic when it comes to darts. I love playing.

I love the camaraderie. I love the strategy. I love the psychology.

And most people don't know that it's that involved!

The game of darts is much like the games of pool and (dare I say it?) golf. In order to become successful, you need to practice. You need to watch those better than you. And when you get to a certain level, you realize that there are more things to learn and more things to practice. It is constant change and evolution - if you want to get better.

And oddly enough, I am finding that this practice does positive things in my "real" life. For instance, these days, I am working to improve my focus and supressing my nerves. It took me a season and a half to get comfortable with my Wednesday night team, whose two leaders get really worked up during the night, and it messes with the way they throw. I used to get caught up in that, but now I've realized that if I can find a way to relax and control the anxiety that rubs off from them, then I can throw to my potential.

Well, last week during my Gilda's Club lecture, I tried to use some of the same relaxing techniques. As a result, the lecture went really well, and I stopped being nervous early on.

And this works vice versa as well... after I got sick, and learned patience the hard way, I was able to use that in darts.

Believe me, though... I struggle at this game. And even though I understand the concepts behind throwing a great game, I often have a tough time doing it myself. So in line with the saying "those who cannot do, teach", I have found how much I enjoy helping others improve their game.

Overall, it's a very rewarding experience to shoot with your friends, to make new friends, and in my case, I've been fortunate to earn the respect of some people I've looked up to. Sometimes it's taken some tough, tough lessons, but in a way, darts are like life, and those tough lessons will only make you stronger.